Codename: Sailor Pluto

A Message from the Fat Man with the Red Cap

2005-09-12T13:09:00.000-10:00

Truly, Michael Moore's words say more than I could. They say all that I wish I could. As follows, from his website:

Sunday, September 11th, 2005
A Letter to All Who Voted for George W. Bush from Michael Moore

To All My Fellow Americans Who Voted for George W. Bush:

On this, the fourth anniversary of 9/11, I'm just curious, how does it feel?

How does it feel to know that the man you elected to lead us after we were attacked went ahead and put a guy in charge of FEMA whose main qualification was that he ran horse shows?

That's right. Horse shows.

I really want to know -- and I ask you this in all sincerity and with all due respect -- how do you feel about the utter contempt Mr. Bush has shown for your safety? C'mon, give me just a moment of honesty. Don't start ranting on about how this disaster in New Orleans was the fault of one of the poorest cities in America. Put aside your hatred of Democrats and liberals and anyone with the last name of Clinton. Just look me in the eye and tell me our President did the right thing after 9/11 by naming a horse show runner as the top man to protect us in case of an emergency or catastrophe.

I want you to put aside your self-affixed label of Republican/conservative/born-again/capitalist/ditto-head/right-winger and just talk to me as an American, on the common ground we both call America.

Are we safer now than before 9/11? When you learn that behind the horse show runner, the #2 and #3 men in charge of emergency preparedness have zero experience in emergency preparedness, do you think we are safer?

When you look at Michael Chertoff, the head of Homeland Security, a man with little experience in national security, do you feel secure?

When men who never served in the military and have never seen young men die in battle send our young people off to war, do you think they know how to conduct a war? Do they know what it means to have your legs blown off for a threat that was never there?

Do you really believe that turning over important government services to private corporations has resulted in better services for the people?

Why do you hate our federal government so much? You have voted for politicians for the past 25 years whose main goal has been to de-fund the federal government. Do you think that cutting federal programs like FEMA and the Army Corps of Engineers has been good or bad for America? GOOD OR BAD?

With the nation's debt at an all-time high, do you think tax cuts for the rich are still a good idea? Will you give yours back so hundreds of thousands of homeless in New Orleans can have a home?

Do you believe in Jesus? Really? Didn't he say that we would be judged by how we treat the least among us? Hurricane Katrina came in and blew off the facade that we were a nation with liberty and justice for all. The wind howled and the water rose and what was revealed was that the poor in America shall be left to suffer and die while the President of the United States fiddles and tells them to eat cake.

That's not a joke. The day the hurricane hit and the levees broke, Mr. Bush, John McCain and their rich pals were stuffing themselves with cake. A full day after the levees broke (the same levees whose repair funding he had cut), Mr. Bush was playing a guitar some country singer gave him. All this while New Orleans sank under water.

It would take ANOTHER day before the President would do a flyover in his jumbo jet, peeking out the window at the misery 2500 feet below him as he flew back to his second home in DC. It would then be TWO MORE DAYS before a trickle of federal aid and troops would arrive. This was no seven minutes in a sitting trance while children read "My Pet Goat" to him. This was FOUR DAYS of doing nothing other than saying "Brownie (FEMA director Michael Brown), you're doing a heck of a job!"

My Republican friends, does it bother you that we are the laughing stock of the world?

And on this sacred day of remembrance, do you think we honor or shame those who died on 9/11/01? If we learned nothing and find ourselves today every bit as vulnerable and unprepared as we were on that bright sunny morning, then did the 3,000 die in vain?

Our vulnerability is not just about dealing with terrorists or natural disasters. We are vulnerable and unsafe because we allow one in eight Americans to live in horrible poverty. We accept an education system where one in six children never graduate and most of those who do can't string a coherent sentence together. The middle class can't pay the mortgage or the hospital bills and 45 million have no health coverage whatsoever.

Are we safe? Do you really feel safe? You can only move so far out and build so many gated communities before the fruit of what you've sown will be crashing through your walls and demanding retribution. Do you really want to wait until that happens? Or is it your hope that if they are left alone long enough to soil themselves and shoot themselves and drown in the filth that fills the street that maybe the problem will somehow go away?

I know you know better. You gave the country and the world a man who wasn't up for the job and all he does is hire people who aren't up for the job. You did this to us, to the world, to the people of New Orleans. Please fix it. Bush is yours. And you know, for our peace and safety and security, this has to be fixed. What do you propose?

I have an idea, and it isn't a horse show.

Yours,

Michael Moore
www.michaelmoore.com
mmflint@aol.com

Hot Coffee and GTA

2005-08-11T23:44:00.000-10:00

Excerpts from a BBC article:

"Rockstar, maker of a video game which caused controversy after secret sex scenes were found in it, has issued a fix to disable access to the scenes.
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, the best-selling game of 2004, were unlocked by a fan who created software called Hot Coffee. Installing Hot Coffee allowed people to play an explicit "mini game".

As a result, the US Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) changed the rating to Adults Only. The change meant, however, that many shops were forced to stop stocking it as they have a policy of not selling adult-rated content.

Before the ESRB's investigation, the game had an M for mature rating that meant it could be sold to those aged 17 and above.

The storm of protest over the game even attracted the attention of US senator Hillary Clinton. She called for an investigation into who was responsible for including the scenes in the game.

In the UK, the game was originally granted an 18 age rating and that rating remains the same."

My comment?
Holy cow - how dare they make those sex scenes! I mean, I'd be upset if my 17yr old unlocked these sex scenes. But its OK for my 18yr old. Thanks alot Hilary, you GO girl! Use our taxpaying money to make sure those 17yr olds NEVER again get ahold of such explicit material! Uhm hey wait - why's there only a one year age difference between Mature ratings and Adults Only? Isn't R 17+, and NC17 is 17+?

What if SHE was our Mom?

2005-07-03T18:29:00.000-10:00

Porter dude had the day off. I figured, since he had asked me if I was off this weekend. That just means I shall unfortunately see him tommorrow. I hear his name is Brackenwood or something weird like that. And someone said she thought he was a retired Sheriff from Oahu. Why do old men think they can hit it off with young girls? :P To add to that another one of the porters started being uber friendly with me today. He waved at me when he first arrived to work, something he hadn't done before. Then he started getting friendly and striking up a convo with me when he brought over some bags. "How are you doing today?" etc, etc. Next time he actually bothered to ask my name and stuff. David laughed when I told him and said that the porters must have a bet going to see who can date me first. I had to stay an extra hour today and I called him to tell him and he was like, "Hey, you're not gonna be late cuz you are eating lunch with the porter?" *silence* "Hunh? Whaddya say?" (me teasing) "GRR!" *click* He was teasing me of course too. :) Hehe and like a few weeks ago one of the ladies I work with claimed that one of the TSA guys (Homeland Security) was checking me out. He hasn't actually said much more than "Hi. Good Morning!" so I dunno if she was making it up or not. Oh if only I was so hot. Its a matter of horny older men, really. :P

So I had this bad experience with my car. Again. I seem to be the one who gets all the freak car accidents. I was on my way to David's house and then I noticed that I couldn't turn the wheel very much at all. So all of a sudden, *FREAK MODE ON* (I've been stranded plenty of times, lemme tell ya). This was bizzare. It was like the car was overheating and I was loosing power to the engine at the same time. So instead of pulling over I finished the 1.5/2 miles to get to David's place. I noticed smoke trailing me. It was super hard to turn the wheel. The whole time I was chanting, "Please make it, please make it, please make it..." I made it. I quickly parked in front of his house and turned the engine off. What happened next was smoke, screeching, and me running out of the car freaking out. Then the radiator fluid exploded all over the place. It was like some Xfiles episode, all this green stuff gushing all over. I frantically called my Davy to come out and immediately called my Daddy. Of course everything was too hot to touch so we waited while I explained the situation to my Dad, and then we popped the hood and took a look. The drive belt was off of the track. It was all twisted around in all the wrong places. So that means the fan stopped working and I was in major danger of overheating. The cap for the radiator fuild was popped off, it must have gotten so hot that it boiled over and that was the explosion. My Dad will be coming over tommorrow to look at it. It wasn't as if I hadn't put fluid in and it overheated, just the darn belt coming off the track and how on earth can I prevent that? Man do I ever get the weird ones. I hate cars! Hmm. Howabout I hate SUVS? Thats all I have ever driven...

So then we were hungry and Kerry didn't reply to my phonecall. So 'Eh', we went in his Dad's car to go get Costco hot dogs. I love those damm things. Its a whole meal for me. $1.50 for a meal and all I can drink soda. And then I can look at the best electronic selection on the island. :P (so sad I know) Anyways, David was off getting soda while I was saving a seat in the busy sitting area. A boy and his older sister (prolly 8) were sitting in the next table. There I was, with my Sailor Moon backpack, (the tiny blue vinyl one) and freshly blonde bangs. The little girl pointed at me and said to her brother, "What if *SHE* was our Mom?" Haha. I can take that a number of ways. I must be really cool or something. On the other hand, I must look old enough to be a mother. Flattering and yet unflattering. :P

weird things happen to me

2005-07-01T22:26:00.000-10:00

I was talking to Alex on my drive home at like 8pm or so and there was this freaky van behind me. They had their flood lights on and I was like, "Do I pull over? Am I in trouble or something?" I mentioned it to Alex and he was like "Hmm dunno." I noticed they tried to pass me once. So I thought 'ok these ppl wanna pass me.. do they know their flood lights are on? Is there like a serial killer in my backseat?' I decided to pull over at the Kealakekua Post Office. Before I did they pulled off onto the next left turn, which leads up to our one and only hospital on the Kona side of the island. The driver in the van yelled something incomprehensible and I still made the next right to turn to the PO. Not much else happened. I guess they had a medical emergency and thought that by turning on the flood lights people would think they were important and we'd all move aside as if it were the ambulance. I can't think of anywhere in the driving manual that told me flashing your floodlights while driving means pull over because someone is dying in the car behind you. Uhm, nope. Yes its unfortunate that someone was in an accident or something, but how on earth was I suppossed to understand all that when an ordinary van is driving behind me?

The porter at the airport is aggressively advancing on me. I am scared! Well not like super scared stuff, but I don't like confrontation. I know I should just spit out that I have a boyfriend, but I was kinna hoping he'd have seen that already and would just leave me alone. I hate having to let people down. David says he thinks I am a cocktease because I am not just outright saying anything. He says its playing 'hard to get' and thats an even bigger turn on. How would he know? I never played hard to get with him! I was easy to get! :P I have this habit of making random guys pursue me? Well its not the first time anyways. And not all the pursuers are good looking, so no I don't feel like I am a special thing. -.- I kinna do the same thing everytime... barely say anything and pray that they figure it out on their own. Welp, so much for being a good Communication major... I think the funniest thing about it all is I don't know this guy's name, and he doesn't know mine. He's never once asked and neither have I. He just keeps asking "What are you doing this weekend?" "When do you get off of work?" "When are we going out?" I am going to have to suck it up and let him down. Ouch.

Speaking of ouch.. David is catsitting right now. There are two teenage cats at his house, and they are cute of course. I could never find a cat to be truly ugly. :P Anyways I played with the cute little pussies (cats! where is your mind at?). I came home and I was wondering how my darling little Skittles would take it, since I must reek of other cats. Well, ouch, Skittles didn't take it quite so well... I picked him up and he really screamed at me, he really let me have it. So I profusely apologized and told him how much I love him and how much he meant the world to me. Lots of hugs and kisses, lots of petting and purring. After a little bit he seemed consoled and resumed being my happy little shadow. Now I am wondering what he is up to because he's been hanging around this one spot on the couch in the living room. I don't think he is mad at me, I think he's trying to catch something. I am nervous because I don't want it to be another cane spider... If I come out into the living room and see spider legs hanging out of Skittles' mouth I will probably not be kissing him for a LONG time. Which is unfortunate for him because he loves to be kissed - he understands that its the human form of affection, and he loves to get all the affection/attention he can get. And I love to give it to him. So what if I have a weird relationship with my cat? I've always been close to my kitties. ^_^ (still cry about the deaths of a few...)

ooh I'm a radical!

2005-06-30T13:13:00.000-10:00

Gasp - its that time again! That time in my life where I decide to dye my hair purple! Muahahahahahaha! It's been a while and its about time. My boss at the airport says she could give a rats ass what color my hair is. ^_^ I still haven't bought the bleach, but I'm determined as of yesterday. My hair will be purple again. All that is left is to pierce my nose... hmm maybe ear cartlidge too.. I'm so punk oh yah. :P I'm an artist, I'm gonna leave it at that. I must pursue artistic outlets, and that includes my hair. Think my boss back in school will fall for that one? :)

New developments in my life? Uhm. I think that porter dude at the airport didnt get the hint when David picked me up, cuz the next day he asked me "What time do you get off of work?" David doesnt have to worry ofcourse. He only worries when the guy is cute and I drool. :P If he were rich and cute and I drool, then he'd really have to worry about me leaving him! It's all about money and sex, I swear!

Other new development: as of right now it appears I shall be living with Priscilla and her brother in an awesomely rich house by the beach. By the beach? Heck no, ON the beach! Altho I can't say that there is much for beaches in Hilo (I'm a spoiled Kona grrl). I was hoping to get something closer to campus... but this sounds too good to be true. I'm gonna make plans to actually see the house next Weds with Priscilla and the owner's daughter (who will be acting landlord). None of the credit-check crap, no aimless searching and application fees. Those are major pluses. The only minus as of this minute is I am the only one of the four occupants who actually owns a vehicle. Priscilla is in the works to look for a car for her and her brother. It's a 10-15 minute drive to the campus. But that's one awesomely rich neighborhood. And I have been warned that there is Koa furniture in this fully furnished house. :P Parking on campus will be a bummer... but I don't mind parking and walking a distance (so long as traffic and other conditions permit) to class. I'll prolly spend all day on campus and then leave at the absolute last minute. I might get more work done that way if I am bored and waiting for someone to get out of a class or off of work. I can make good use of the fridgerator recently bought for our office at school. Hmm and I will prolly be using my laptop a bit more again. That little baby has been through alot.. I'm too attached to it to upgrade. I would recommend a laptop from apple to anyone! They are much more worth it than a windows running machine. Thats if you plan on using it.. if you don't think you'd use it much then go the cheaper route and do a dell or gateway or something. Which is what I did for my mother and my sister. My mother would have preffered a Mac but she honestly doesn't even need a laptop, it was her frugal birthday present.

Wow I am rambling again... I do that too often.. Off to go watch Bleach, Naruto, and then play some more FFX-2!!! Oh and prolly WoW tonite, and ofcourse must add in the essential eating duties...Bye!

gotta watch what i say...

2005-06-23T12:42:00.000-10:00

Not that I am some hot little number or anything narcissistic like that... but at the airport I work with older, horny men. Yesterday I was doing my job as normal. I took a lunch break and then went to the bathroom. On the way back the porter who had been working that day and has talked to me briefly before asked me, "Whats for lunch?" I replied "Pretzels!" because that was part of the goodies that my Davy packed in my lunch, and I had just eaten some. He said something to the effect of, "Hey that's not a good lunch!" I made a comment about being poor and working for money to buy my lunches. He said that he should take me out to get lunch sometime. I said, "Oh I like Manna's! Their food is good!" (Its a Korean food place, one of my favs) I was laughing the whole time, not making a serious face or anything. Work resumed as usual. Then about 10 minutes before I was off of work I passed by the porter station again. He said, "So when are we going to dinner?" I basically just laughed and walked away. Then I thought about it. He may have been serious. Gyah! Older men. At the very youngest I would say he's 35...I could be deadly wrong, but he definately doesn't look my age. I hope that if he was serious he noticed that it was David who picked me up. I had that happen to me about 2 yrs ago with a security guard who was like 52... eew... I made sure David picked me up in front of him and then he stopped. This guy reminds me of Namase Katsuhisa... the principal from the live action of Gokusen. Muaha. If the guy was rich I'd consider it.. haha! You can't be rich if you work at the airport. :P I know, I got too many standards. ^_^

Other than that.. Uhm... yah working. Hate it. Makes money. Still looking for a place to live. :) Might possibly live in the same apartment complex as my sister, because I'm at this point grasping at straws and I am gonna apply everywhere I can.

I was thinking the other day it'd be cute to open up a photo studio that takes proffessional looking pictures and then prints it on a 'magazine cover' for the customer. I mean, we all look gorgeous when we've got makeup on and the wind is blowing just right, the lights are in the best position, etc. I bet alot of people would like it as a gag gift... and tourists would want to put a family picture on a magazine cover that says something about being in paradise. :P Heh well I'm not exactly a photographer/makeupartist/etc... so I probably won't be pursuing it. But its a good idea if you can find the right place to set it up!

found an old friend today

2005-06-14T22:41:00.000-10:00

Today while working I found an old friend. Nozaki-san! I hadn't seen him since highschool. We weren't best buds or anythng serious, but its great to see old friends whom you have fond memories of. I'm so jealous of him! He spent the last two years in Japan and is now fluent... being a tour guide. Funny thing he said was that he wants to get into forestry. Ahh too silly!

I really miss my cat right now. I've spent the past few days at David's house. I'm going home tommorrow and I got to remember to buy my mom a birthday cheesecake. Skittles was so adorable the last time I was home, and I am really missing him. He reminded me of my old cat Sheli, who I think possibly loved me more than he does.. he was starting to hug me and get really attached like how she used to do. Ahh I miss all my deceased kitties. I'll get to see him tommorrow.. and I will probably be sick of him in 5 minutes! But really... my kitties are my babies. Boy do we ever spoil animals in this household! It's good to be a cat in my family. ^_^

Work, work. Work!

2005-06-11T21:38:00.000-10:00

So I have returned to working at the airport. Blah. Nothing changes. Just some new people, more people who love to gossip. Eeek! I was asked twice today if David and I had gotten married yet. Muaha. All in good time my dear friends. Actually he's threatened to leave me if I go and live in Japan for five years. How can he take my dream away from me? :( Why does the woman have to follow the man? Ugh. His reasoning is that he couldn't stand being away from me for that long. I'd come home sometimes to visit! My dad joked that I should get married before I go to Japan just so that I've already hooked him. Hehe, I didn't know my Dad cared so much. We have been together for over 5yrs. People naturally assume we're already married... or going in that direction (which I assume we are)... at the airport they call me Michael's (his dad, whom works at the same place) daughter in law.

I found another cane spider a few nights ago. I screamed and my mom and cat came running. I love how my cats are like dogs! This time it was a full sized spider. I've been having visions of spiders ever since the first one that I saw, and its making sleeping hard to do. That's not going to be good considering I have a 5:30am shift this week. Ick. :) My parents insist I must be bringing the spiders home with me from college, but I insist they were always here in this filthy house. I have never seen one in Hilo, but I know they are there too. I don't know where my fear comes from, but its there, and its bad. I think its gotten worse recently actually. Before I would freeze in terror, now I scream and run. And my heartbeat has gone up. I was actually hyperventilating after seeing the first one. Thank goodness David doesn't try to throw real spiders on me. I'd seriously consider dumping someone who did that. Forget 5+ years. A fear is a fear and that's one I have no intentions of overcoming.

Back to work tommorrow. It gives me something to do. I've been working ever since my senior year of HS... I know I am going to need all that money I have stashed away some day, and that might be soon. Looking for a place to live next year is a big concern and I'm super scared of being homeless. I can't afford to rent a whole house by myself and I really don't know who else would rent with me anymore other than David. :( Must work, must make money!

There is a cane spider on the loose in my house

2005-06-07T11:55:00.000-10:00

I am arachnophobic... that being said... I thought I would hook up my playstation in the living room since no one uses that TV... I'm not sure where it came from, but it was there... it was only half size... but its still got a thick, brown, scary body... I know it didn't come from my PS2 box, but it was close to my leg and that is what matters... (For those who don't know: a cane spider is the biggest spider in Hawaii... they start out the size of an ant and get big like a tarantula but their legs aren't hairy and they are skinnier... they can be as big as my hand...) I screamed, ran out of the room, hyperventilated, and ran to get a phone to call somebody. I called David first and then my Dad... got calm enough to walk around the house normally, but I'm staying far away from my Playstation where the culprit was last seen.. I'm home alone right now so nobody could come and kill it. It has since hidden its grotesque body somewhere in this house and I am going to have nightmares for days until it is caught... I'm going to be going to work today and I decided to stay over at David's before I had my encounter with the spider...now I have more reason to want to stay away. There is a confirmed sighting of a cane spider at my house! Argh! This happens to me like every summer, I swear they gang up on me on purpose. :(

a dabble in my day

2005-06-05T22:39:00.000-10:00

I'm such a dork who stays up late when she shouldn't be. :) I should be getting some sleep because I gotta wake up at 7 and play tour guide for my old highschool buddies. ^_^ Hehe well not really... they know their way around the island cuz they used to live here... its only been 5yrs since they were gone... they just don't know all the cool places to eat in Hilo, and I'm gonna make sure they eat the Korean chicken at H&Ks. Hear that Linda? I'm coming over... didya miss me? :P

Went to Hapuna with them today and that was cool. Almost got sunburned. I haven't been to Hapuna since I went there last with the Anime Club from school. :P I also ate lunch at the Ranch House and they had put yummy wasabi mayonaisse on my fish sammich. Mmm it was good!

My skitty-kitty is going nuts and I don't know what his problem is. I think he's happy that I've moved back into my old room and he's also sad because he liked my new room... Or maybe he's happy that he can jump in the window again.. or he's just trying to get my attention because its late and I am awake. He's been in and out of here three times already, getting into trouble. :) I am really going to miss him when I marry David and move to the mainland.. :(

It smells like good riddance

2005-05-27T09:20:00.000-10:00

Well it has been interesting, living with my Grandma. My family got to learn first hand what a b***h she is, like my mother always tried to tell us. She has left us for good now. I think she decided that we were after her money and we are ungrateful brats, so she doesn't want to be near us and is going to spend every last penny she owns on herself. (Who would want her tainted pennys?) I still haven't even talked to her at all this summer, aside from the words "get better" when she was in the hospital. She was sent there for high blood pressure issues, which subsided almost immediately. She continued to stay there for over a week and wouldn't tell us what was going on, and her doctor wouldn't return our phonecalls. As of yesterday Gramma has been moved into a rest home, Kona Life Care Center, and we're not planning on having anything to do with her. My mother had a big fight with her in the hospital because Gramma had been lying to us. We wonder how much of this situation was orchestrated from the start, but we're glad that she made it easy on us! It'd be hard to convince her to move into a resthome before this occured, that was really the reason why she was living with us. Although I suspect she was living with us because it was a cheaper situation for her, she really seems like a pennypincher. All that is left now is to give her a few items of furniture and then we have free reign to dump her stuff! :) My Dad is ready to help me move back into my old room and the cats have already figured out that packing occured. I was more than happy to pack Gramma's bags. ^_^ I hope in my next life I will actually have a grandparent that is nice and cares about me, because I sure as heck don't think that she was a real grandparent. Her last husband, my stepgrandfather, was much funner to be around. :P The only thing that is upsetting is that we had to rip apart our house so that we could accomodate a little old lady in a wheelchair. Our poor house is ruined! Owell. now the healing process begins? Breathe that air of relief!

Miya the braggart

2005-05-22T21:16:00.000-10:00

So I got into drawing mood yesterday. I ended up drawing a sexy night elf chick. Well, at least I think she's sexy.... I also uploaded some songs to my buddy Alex and played a bit of WoW today. Listened to music too, since I was choosing some stuff to upload to him. Was in a better mood today, not exactly sure why. It might be that drawing put me in a happier mood, or it might be that I am happy knowing I am going to go to town tommorrow and plan on spending the night at David's. I haven't seen him since I dropped him off at his house last week Saturday. :( So It's been a little over a week. I was quite happy with how my drawing turned out though! I spent time on my drawing and I am in a braggy mood now... meaning I got my picture to the point where I think it's acceptable to publicly show it off and I probably won't work on it anymore. :P I already got a few words of praise. ^_^ I've been double posting on Myspace and Blogger lately cuz I don't feel like having to write a new post for each service. I like blogger better but owell. Ohyah, on to the bragging! This is my 'artist gallery' on a nice little animelovin web community:

http://meiohsetsuna.minitokyo.net/

By all means, leave me msg's telling me what a genious I am and how good I can draw. :P Boost that ego of mine!

I was happy...

2005-05-20T23:53:00.000-10:00

I was all happy today and stuff because of the interesting developments in the case of my wicked grandmother... and then night time happened. Back to this house, back to being bored, back to my boyfriend ignoring me, back to refreshing webpages nonstop to see if something changed and staring at things as they download, back to something lame. I have problems happening with me, thats always obvious. Today my mother talked to me about my headaches, because I wanted to know if my headaches have anything to do with her previous brain tumor. She told me that they really got bad when she couldn't see, and that scared me because I remembered that there have been a few times where I couldn't see in broad daylight. It makes me think there are more problems with me physically than I am willing to admit. I'm gonna loose my hearing, my eyesight, my bladder, and my brain will get fried in the next few years. Sounds good to me... Can someone speed up the process? It's a little boring here.

a little bit of peace

2005-05-18T21:21:00.000-10:00

Gramma be in the hospital right now. She be happy to be there. She be enjoyin' herself and getting lots of attention. Why I be talking like dis, mon? Haha. Anyways. Yah like her bloodpressure was high or something so her personal trainer made a big stink and we had to take her to the ER. Whatever. She might have a stroke and die, heaven forbid. I would only be so lucky. Anyways, she was super happy to leave. We were super happy to see her leave. She might be there all weekend. I might be happy all weekend. Gawsh I feel bad saying mean things about my own flesh and blood... but if you knew the woman like I know her you'd feel the same. David used to try to stick up for her whenever I talked about her, but he gave up after meeting her/hearing what she does, and joins in on the jokes now. :) Heck I used to try to stick up for her. Funnier yet, even the cat tried to stick up for her until she ran over his tail a good too many times. And laughed in the process. I can walk around the house now and I don't have to worry about her being out in the living room and staring at me with her vulture face - sharp beak and beady eyes ready to rip you into shreds. My dad likened it to feeding time at the zoo. We only come out when the lion goes back into its cave. :P

sick of this island... this life...

2005-05-15T09:23:00.000-10:00

Yah I've been going to school all my life. A bit long, don't you think? I've been in college ever since I graduated HS in 2000. I have one freaking year left and then I grad with 2 BA degrees, but I'm getting sick of it. Especially since I am NOT looking forward to having a teacher I hate for a whole year, because the class is required for the major. I wish I had the money to go off to Manoa and take that class over the summer, but its not going to be happening now. Now that I am back home I am sick of my house - its the biggest allergy for me that ever existed. Way too much dust, the number one thing that makes me sneeze. The cats are fun to be with, but once I start sneezing they make it worse. And my gramma makes being home like hell. I hate the woman, and she's probably mad at me that I ignored her all day yesterday. I snuck off to David's house and didn't even finish unpacking my stuff. I have the tiniest room in the house, barely fits a bed, and my Gramma has the audacity to do some of the things she does (I graciously gave up my room so she could live here and my parents hurriedly made a makeshift room for me to live in). I thought I was going to start work right away but it looks like its going to be a while.. and I am not looking forward to going back to that job. Just having a really crappy time right now. Thanks for reading my rant, it was worthless.

Paper Boast #2

2005-05-10T22:32:00.000-10:00

Look who is paper boasting again! ^_^ C'mon, you know you like it! I found this paper to be educational and think its only fair that others have the opportunity to learn from it. (Uhuh)

Refusal to Grow Up or Member of a Cartoon Revolution?

I’m a fan of animation. By this I mean animated cartoons. My particular favorites are cartoons from Japan. These are called anime, a truncation of the word animation. People like me who are considered obsessed with anime as their hobby are called otaku, a Japanese loan word that originally means house - perhaps because they never leave the house? Anime has been shown in America during its earliest days, the genius of Osamu Tezuka was imported and audiences were exposed to hits such as AstroBoy, or Kimba the White Lion (later the inspiration for Disney’s Simba in Lion King). During my childhood I saw Japanese imports such as Transformers, and later on we were all exposed to the Sailor Moon and Dragon Ball Z phenomenon, followed closely by the Pokemon craze. America hasn’t decided that we “gotta catch ‘em all” when it comes to importing anime, and we fans speculate various reasons for this decision. When it comes down to it distributors simply think it won’t be a hit. Most of us agree that it won’t be a hit simply because when it is imported whole episodes are cut, scenes that show a slight hint of nudity are redrawn or cut, dialogue and names completely changed. In fact, the American distributors are known to hack an anime so much that true fans like me bemoan each day a new anime is licensed. Is it a cultural misunderstanding? No. Is it that we cannot understand the language and their humor? No, that’s not really the issue. Then what is it? For too long we have considered cartoons to be an exclusive pastime of children. People my age and older who enjoy cartoons that were not designed for children are part of a continuously growing population. It’s not that we are refusing to grow up. Whoever said that anything that was animated belonged on children’s programming?

Cartoons have a rich, healthy history in the United States. The Wikipedia, an online user-contributed encyclopedia, breaks down the history of American animations into four categories: The Silent Era, The Golden Age, The TV Era, and the Renaissance that we are living through today.

The connotations of the silent era are obvious; cartoons began at the same time we first grew interested in movies. Before there were ‘talkies’ at the beginning of the century until the roarin’ twenties we watched cartoons and movies where no one spoke, where a symphony or orchestra played the accompanied music live in the theatre. Felix the Cat was one of our first animated treats. This era is where Walt Disney would first emerge, disgusted by a former cartoon business deal gone sour, and create his whole company off the image of his anthropomorphic mouse named Mickey.

Disney was one of the founding fathers in the face of animation; his stamp on the cartoon industry is very large even to this day. His was one of the first companies to take the plunge and add voices to the characters, which proved immensely popular. Disney dominated the cartoon scene in the Golden Age, reigning King throughout the 30’s. Rival companies MGM and Warner Bros caught up to speed with Disney and cartoons really hit an all time high, the competition forcing each other to continue improving. There were numerous cartoons that appeared purely for adult entertainment purposes, cartoons were still just as much for adults as they were for children. The Golden Era ended when United Productions of America was born and the effort to depart from realism was pursued. It was quicker and easier to take shortcuts and animate the backgrounds less and less, and this is where quality began to falter.

The TV era of cartoons is what I like to describe as the ‘dark ages’ of cartoons, and this is where we have gotten many of our perceptions about cartoons today. It began in the 50s when everyone was just beginning to own a TV, and ended in the 80s. At first it was hard for companies to adjust from being brought to the average American on the big screen to being brought to the average American on the tiny tube in their living room. Production costs and the amount of time involved in creating a cartoon affected the transition and several companies clammed up and preferred not to bother. Hanna-Barbera stepped onto the scene, and became successful at creating animated series. The Flintstones was first shown on prime time TV, when families would gather around the tube for some good wholesome entertainment. Many blame the drop in quality on Hanna-Barbera during this time. Saturday mornings were traditionally targeted at kids from the beginning, and in the mid 60s the idea of syndicating cartoons for Saturday mornings caught on. Hanna-Barbera would turn out so many cartoons that they were a dime a dozen, and as it was believed that kids would watch anything, more low quality cartoons were churned out for this easy-to-please audience. Animation on TV was targeted specifically at children; Saturday morning cartoons became a ritual. It was then that cartoons were first considered a child-dominated genre. The 80s would produce many commercial cartoons after Reagan relaxed educational standards on TV shows. These cartoons, such as G.I. Joe, were basically commercials to sell the equivalent merchandise to children. Concerned parents would lobby over the years to tone down dramatic scenes and violence in cartoons, which limited plot creativity dramatically.

The first ever Xrated animated feature film was called Fritz the Cat, and was a box office hit during the 60s. It appealed to the free love movement. The same company would also produce animated versions of The Lord of the Rings. They barely dented Hollywood. Adult cartoons would remain underground, away from mainstream audiences for years to follow.

1988’s Who Framed Roger Rabbit, one of my childhood favorites, is given the credit of being the cartoon that broke the mold, that turned everything we knew about cartoons around again and brought about the new Renaissance movement. The movie combined film noir style with our favorite cartoon characters, the first time such characters as Daffy and Donald Duck shared onscreen time. This production in the late 80s also marked the return of Disney. Spielberg would also get into the action, with his movie The Land Before Time, and before we knew it cartoons were back on a roll. The avenue of computer animations was first explored and is still being experimented with today. During the beginning of our current Renaissance cartoons targeted towards adults, such as the Simpsons, would become big hits. Anime would also begin to gain popularity and become mainstream in America during the 90s.

Anime in Japan was born in the 60s by anime pioneer Osamu Tezuka, who also influenced manga (comics). His inspiration was none other than America’s cartoons from the Golden Era. He was the first to coin the big eyes, which so largely characterize anime, inspired by his favorite characters Mickey Mouse and Betty Boop. He realized the power of expression in the eyes, contrary to the belief that Japanese people were making up for something they lack – via their squinty eyes. He would also be the first to animate series in Japan, rather than the episodic shows typical of America. An episodic show in America belonged in no timeline, didn’t have to be seen in sequence to be understood. An episodic show can stand alone on its own. The series shows in Japan focused on the character’s development, as seen in Tezuka’s Kimba the White Lion series, where Kimba grows from lion cub to the proverbial King of the Jungle during the season. Cartoons and comics in Japan never took the ‘kids only’ route; in fact adult manga can be found on almost every street corner in Tokyo. Some of them can be overly violent, I might add.

The Simpsons was the first mainstream adult show during my time, found on prime time television. I specifically remember a time when I was banned from watching it. Now it is almost considered a family sitcom. The 90s would produce many more adult oriented shows, but the majority of them were restricted to cable channels. Nickelodeon produced it’s late night Ren and Stimpy show, while MTV progressed with a string of adult audience intended shows such as Beavis and Butthead, Aeon Flux, Duckman, and Daria to name a few. The crudely drawn South Park entertained adult audiences on Comedy Central late at night. South Park was good at pushing the envelope; featuring blood (Kenny died almost every episode), talk about sex (such as the search for the great clitoris), politics, and other adult only topics. They were limited in their use of swearing because they were a show on TV, so the creators adapted a big screen version which served the purpose of getting all the swearing out of their system and making fun of our media. It proved to be a big hit especially considering its Restricted (R) rating.

Some adult-only cartoons have met with a flop on the big screen, such as the movie Cool World in 1992. Its plot involved a human discovering the dimension of the cartoon world and committing the ultimate taboo – sex with a toon. Cartoon box office hits generally appeal to both children and adults, (adults tag along with their kids and vice versa) but adults will notice their kids get bored halfway through. A friend of mine divulged that her 4yr old son wished to leave the theatre halfway through watching the new Incredibles movie. She described it as being riddled with adult humor and really not something for her son at all. Even the latest of the Shrek installments contained jokes about women’s underwear that many would consider inappropriate for children, hence it received a Parental Guidance (PG) rating for language and crude humor. Many today will agree that the original Bugs Bunny & Looney Tunes Co. were not intended for the amusement of children, often containing violent imagery (Kill the Waaaabit!) and kids are hard pressed to find the humor. At least as a child I was.

I’ve been told that if cartoons are not intended for children, then why are they aired during typical children viewing hours? Well the answer is that the American shows aired during these times are intended for children. The Japanese shows that are chosen do not necessarily follow suit. Sailor Moon was intended for a pre-teen/young adult female audience, but marketed in America to even younger girls. The culture of Japan has different views on nudity and evil villains, and this reflects in all shows, even those intended for kids. In Sailor Moon the characters do what all girls their age do (12-14), dream about falling in love! There’s the occasional battle against evil and in major episodes characters will die, including the main ones for the sake of saving the world. The good people are reborn again which follows the strong belief in reincarnation, and the evil will turn good, an idea heavily influenced by Buddhism. Death scenes were either muted or cut in the American version, death being an unacceptable occurrence. Gay relationships were glossed over by making the characters a proper heterosexual couple in the English version, or in one case explaining that the two were so close because they were ‘cousins’. Such material was considered inappropriate for our Christian children, but Japan saw no reason to not pursue the thought in a show geared towards young adults who are in that stage of life where they are trying to find their proper place. DIC, the American distributor, wanted to market the show as a commercial success. Cartoons traditionally experience commercial success when aimed at the young.

As we begin to realize the extent at which cartoons are enjoyed by fans of all ages, we begin to get curious and demand to see our share. Cartoon Network first launched a programming block called “Adult Swim” in 2001. The intent was that the shows broadcasted in this late night block would be shows that older audiences could watch without mistaking it for children’s programming. It was called Adult Swim as a parody of pool hours, when children aren’t allowed in the pool. The program on the mainland begins at 11PM (Hawaii seems to start earlier). It currently includes American made shows such as Futurama and The Family Guy, both of which were dumped by Fox regular broadcasting. Ironically the Adult Swim lineup contains a hefty chunk of anime from Japan, finally geared at the right audience. Cartoon Network conducted a survey before embarking on this endeavor, wondering how parents would feel about the move to include adult entertainment on a channel typically considered a child’s channel. According to Cartoon Network, the parents appeared a bit selfish. They agreed to this as long as it was done responsibly and was clearly separated from children’s programming. Basically meaning parents wanted to eat their cake too. A column in Pulp Culture online suggests that since its launch the viewer rating increased more than 138% in the 18-34 demographic. Cartoon Network does not deny the success of the programming block; they know their viewership immensely increased. It is continuing its 4^th year in a row and Adult Swim officially split from Cartoon Network on March 28th, 2005, thus becoming its own entity. This mirrors the split in Nickelodean in their Nick Jr, Nickelodean, and Nick at Nite programming.

For me its great to know that I don’t have to stop watching cartoons now that I reached adulthood. It might take a few more years before the vast majority of Americans understand whom cartoons belong to. I would like to suggest that to speed up the shifting view we should consider changing the words we use. When looking up the word cartoon on dictionary.com I notice that each and every of its meanings refer back to humor as an element. I myself have seen very sad cartoons without the slightest bit of humor, so I find this an inaccurate description. On the contrary, when looking up anime, I find that it is defined as “A style of animation developed in Japan, characterized by stylized colorful art, futuristic settings, violence, and sex”. My suggestion would be to use the term cartoon exclusively for those Saturday morning animations, the ones targeted specifically at the extremely young. Anime could be used to refer to those shows that don’t fit the kid’s sphere, the shows that don’t belong on Saturday mornings and fit the style described in the definition. I think fans of anime and cartoons are already starting to differentiate between the two in the same manner. On occasion I find Family Guy or SouthPark under the anime category when searching for cartoons on the Internet. Although they are American in origin, I would say they deserve the right to be called anime because they don’t fit our current cartoon mold. Fans recognize the difference and are constantly defending their love of animation to their peers and parents. In due time we may not have to explain things to our parents, the media will do it for us. Despite my efforts over the years to educate them, my parent’s still consider anime to be that “Sailor Moon stuff” that comes from Japan. They may never realize that in their own way they are right.

Bibliography:

http://www.dictionary.com

http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/gen/asfaq/index.html

http://home.hiwaay.net/~tfharris/pulpculture/index.shtml

Wikipedia links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_animation#Animation_history_of_the_United_States

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animation_Before_Hollywood:_The_Silent_Period

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollywood_Animation:_The_Golden_Age

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollywood_Animation:_The_TV_Era

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hollywood_Animation:_The_Renaissance

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modern_animation_of_the_United_States

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walt_Disney

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturday_morning_cartoon

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anime

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adult_Swim

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osamu_Tezuka

Internet Movie DataBase (IMDB) links:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096438/

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104009/

In my heaaaad... zombie, zombie...

2005-05-10T12:48:00.000-10:00

Yah still got some sort of pain in my head. I hope it is only stress related and goes away when summer starts. At least it is no longer a nonstop headache, its only something that happens once a day. I've also had problems drinking soda, giving me super tummy problems... I'm just a bag of problems. ^_^ Working on another paper that is Anime related.. learning a heck of a lot more about my interests. Strange how that happens. Awesome that the internet can answer it all. Will post if it is good enough! TTYL, take care peeps. Good luck on finals!

We all regret something in life

2005-05-06T10:23:00.000-10:00

What do you regret? I could think of alot of things I regret. The very first of them would be when I chopped off all of my baby hair at age 3. My hair grew out rather funny after that, it was never the same... looking at my sister I always imagine thats how my hair would have turned out and I get jealous. Lastnight one of my sensei's told me and my friends that he regretted only one thing in his life/marriage, that he never had kids (he's 80). Unfortunately we cannot take ANY of it back. And really, sometimes I feel that it'd be better if we don't change things, because we wouldn't be the same person. It's funny how I can have all these Zen moments, I can know what should or shouldn't be done/said, and yet I am still human enough to do the wrong thing. At least I know what I did wrong I suppose. I don't know how many other people ever admit to doing something wrong.

amazing life

2005-05-04T22:26:00.000-10:00

Well ok, not really.. but school is over! All that is left is the finals! :( But nonetheless, I get some time to relax before the hell starts. You know me.. put it off until it requires attention. ^_^

Myspace is interesting.. I get to meet all sorts of weirdos.. you can come see me there if you like! I actually haven't added very many people because I don't know them. But sheesh, I get at least 10 invites per day! Am I popular or something? :P Sexy or something? Hahaha, if only. It's weird how it gives me a tiny bit of self esteem and at the same time drags me down.. because I know they don't know a lick about me and are only judging by the pictures. Which are chosen because I think I look good enough to let those be flying around on the 'net. :P

I shall be working at the airport again this summer. I won't get to work with Japan Airlines anymore unfortunately... since 9/11 they delegated that job to another division.. but damm it was so fun. :) I got to practice my Japanese by listening to them and asking them "肉と果物がありますか?"

that other kind of sick i get

2005-05-01T22:05:00.000-10:00

Sick of life kind of sick. I'm feeling it. And sick of my computer. I didn't do much at all this weekend, I feel like I was holed up in a small space. I know I have opportunities to get out, but I didn't. Not to mention it was a sunny weekend, you'd think I'd be taking advantage of that. Nope, I stayed inside. Doing what? Nothing productive, nothing that will better myself for the rest of my life. I did jack squat. And I feel sick with it. But it's too late to get up and leave. All that I probably can do now to get away from doing nothing is to watch something.. yipee, that really maeks a difference.. it's probably what I am going to end up doing anyways. So much for being a good student..

Been thinking about old stuff

2005-04-30T22:48:00.000-10:00

Yah - I lost over 25lbs since HS - that's 5yrs ago. (Over 11kgs for my non-American friends) Thats alot, ne? ^_^

If anyone has ANY clue how I can get Olivia Lufkin mp3s please tell me... really want to try her stuff...

Been here too long

2005-04-29T13:09:00.000-10:00

Yah if I think about it... shouldda been 4yrs of highschool and 4yrs of college... Welp I'm getting sick of school right this moment. Still looking for a place to live next semester. Been feeling and being weird.. I'm gonna work at the airport again this summer... Just created an account on myspace.com ... don't know why really, I don't really want to get back in touch with those people from HS.. I guess I just wanna show off that I'm not the stupid dork I used to be... kinna cool actually how people don't believe me when I tell them what I used to be like. :P But anyways. Feeling upset with school. Life too I guess. Might be time for that depression thing to kick in again. I don't know why my little sister doesn't get depressed with her dead-end job at Ross. The girl is only 19 and thinks she can make it in life by only working at Ross? On the other hand I am glad she finally got some sort of job, she was going to be forever unemployable otherwise. I haven't had my myspace account for a full 24hrs and already weirdos are sending requests for friends and stuff. Things so stupid like "you're hot and I'm hot so lets get together". Did you not read my profile? Did it not say in relationship? I have a feeling even changing it to say married wouldn't do much of a difference. Alot of people use those things as a dating service anyways. I only used the same pic of me that I use on here... I don't get weirdos leaving me msgs saying I'm hot and would I like to cool off with them... lame people.:P I used a picture of me that looks good on purpose - you think I am gonna be putting the worst pic of me possible on the internet? Hah!

Get me outta here

2005-04-25T16:13:00.000-10:00

I had a cold this past week... on my lovely trip to Oahu and all. I had major ear problems on the plane ride, I could barely hear and felt like my head was a balloon ready to pop. Just starting to get over my cold now and come to realize I still have headaches. I want school to be over, there is only a week and a half left of classes. Then I have finals. I am also still having to deal with a meeting that was a result of my stupid petition which will not get me anywhere. I don't want to have that meeting anymore because it has caused me so much grief. My other grief is going to be finding a place to live next year, because I am still living with that issue. On a happier note I have an option of getting a English teaching job in Tokyo after I graduate. The TA for my Japanese class says her father is currently working in Japan and told her that if she knew people who wanted to do that all they needed to do was furnish him with a resume and he can take it to one of his friends in Tokyo. Its nice to know I might be able to do something like that but then it gives me more grief when I think about David. Will we ever get married? Will we grow distant? Will people in Japan hate me? Better yet - will I be able to function in Japan even though I have not fully mastered the language? No wonder why I have headaches. My life is sticky right now.

Having nonstop headaches is weird

2005-04-21T09:51:00.000-10:00

Yah its been a little over a week and I still get the headaches. Sometimes they are small so I don't notice it anymore. People are asking me how in the heck I can study and stuff. I wanna know that too! What is funny is when I am doing something and forgot about the headache, and then I turn around and I'm ready to say "Hmm my head hurts...", and then its like, "Oh duh. It has beenfor a while. That explains why I was feeling crappy when I ( wokeup/etc/insertverb)" :P

Too much to think about lately

2005-04-19T00:24:00.000-10:00

Don't you just hate growing up? Way too many things to think about. Maybe that is why I am still in school - I can't bring myself to grow up.

Well it's about one more month till summer and things are getting pumped. Classes are crazy, my summer jobs and housing situations are popping up right now... AnimeCon this weekend is oddly stressful.. (mainly worrying about my costume).. Petition I started against Japanese teacher is either going to get ugly or pretty tommorrow... might find a place to live next year on weds... might work at the airport again, might work at Hottopic... want to get nose and ear cartilage pierced... have had splitting headache for more than seven days and finally saw a doctor who hasn't the slightest clue and says its stress related... (tell me something I don't know...) can register for classes tommorrow, still havent applied for financial aide... I could go on about homework but that is even more depressing.. Whoever said enjoy it while it lasts must have had an easy life!

A happier thing happened to me on this past Sunday. I was eating at a local food court and a younger man and woman came up to David and I. "Excuse me, are either of you under 21?" Being the old farts we are we shook our heads 'no'. "Oh... we're looking for teenagers for our survey... thankyou though!" Muahahah, someone thought I was a teenager! Thats four years younger, baby! OHYAH! mmkay i guess it is bedtime...

Paper boasting for the first time

2005-04-13T15:39:00.000-10:00

(I like to think that my writing is really great, so I am gonna boast by posting it here)

Otaku’s Infiltrate American Society: A Deviant Subculture On the Rise

What is Otaku? I anticipate this question by many, and by all means intend to answer it in such a way that would portray myself in a favorable light. I consider myself to belong to the American Otaku ranks. I haven’t quite earned all my ‘badges’ if you will, but I am definitely on the path of Otakudom. There is no official club to join, no rules to follow. The only thing required of an Otaku is an extreme love for a hobby. Otaku is a loan word from Japan, and in the English language otaku is a specific variety of geek (characterized as overly obsessive fans) of anime, manga (Japanese comic books), and computer or videogames (particularly Japanese in origin). The number one hobby associated with the word otaku in America is a love for anime. We are a group of people, almost cult-like, who deviate from the norms of American society.

Now I feel the need to defend my beloved anime. Anime is a word derived from the Japanese truncation of the word animation. To the Japanese anime encompasses every animation under the sun. In America it is the short form of Japanimation, and any animation that was created in Japan deserves the title ‘anime’. The average American with no knowledge or understanding of Japanese culture falls victim to the pretense that Anime is violent pornography. This idea was also ingrained in me at a young age and I was deathly afraid to google “Sailor Moon” when the Internet became mainstream. I won’t lie – violent, pornographic animes do exist. I personally don’t know of many, and I think those shows are the Japanese equivalent to “Debbie does Dallas” or the latest “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” slasher flick found in any American video rental store. It is a misconception based on the misunderstanding of another culture.

Anime is not just for children. It is not just for adults. It’s for everyone. It all depends on the specific audience that a show is addressing. The same is true of any live action show in the US. A running joke among American Otakus is that the anime characters can be exploited easier without paying the voice actor as much as a live actor, resulting in an abundance of ‘cartoons’ for the cheaper labor. The American attitude of cartoons is that they are all geared towards children. Cartoons intended for adult audiences in America never really make it very big, an example being the movie “Cool World” which came out in 1992. If you’ve never heard of that movie then I have already proved my point. There was a time when “The Simpsons” was considered a taboo cartoon for children in America, I myself belonging to the scores of kids who were initially banned from watching it. “The Simpsons” was actually breaking ground for animation at the time; we are still in the process of learning cartoons are not for adults. “South Park” serves as recent example of this cartoon boundary testing, as does the Adult Swim lineup on Cartoon Network (when ‘adult only’ cartoons are played). Ironically the Adult Swim lineup also broadcasts quite a bit of anime. Anime has its first roots in Japan and simultaneously in America in the 1960’s, debuting with titles such as “Astro Boy”, or the well-known “Speed Racer”. Fans and historians would agree that Osamu Tezuka was the forefather of Japanese animation, mimicking his love for the Western styles of early Disney cartoons. It was Tezuka who would publish the first full-length comic novel in Japan, later to be known as manga. It was also the genius of Tezuka who was responsible for “Astro Boy”, and “Kimba the White Lion” (the inspiration for Disney’s Lion King). These were both released in America. Kimba the White Lion is arguably the beginning for the Japanese 'plot-driven’ form of anime; Kimba grows from a lion cub to the proverbial king of the jungle during the series. American cartoons are episodic, the plots stand-alone and it doesn’t matter if you miss an episode in-between. Tezuka also mimicked the big eyes of the flapper character Betty Boop, realizing that eyes were more instrumental in expressing feelings. The eyes are mistakenly explained as ‘proof’ that Asians are jealous of Western eyes. Big eyes are now a trademark characteristic of anime. Anime would have its ups and downs on the Japan home front and the international market for a few more decades, the occasional hit making its way into the American culture. During the 80s anime gained momentum in Japan. The real milestone for anime in the United States peeked during the 90s, when anime was finally accepted on an international level as a money market. Shows that were more episodic would be adopted first. Recent movies such as “Spirited Away” by Hayao Miyazaki, a man nicknamed the Walt Disney of Japan, are giving anime a better reputation in America.

Anime is still slowly trickling in from Japan; yet there is an explosion of it on the Internet. Downloading programs such as Bittorrent make it easier to share these files. Often times a show that was aired in Japan by the next day or within a week is circulating on the Internet with English subtitles (also in other European languages). This is all done for free by fans, for fans; the groups that are responsible for the subtitles are called fansubbers. Many of them have jobs and other priorities, but still find time to serve a growing community of anime lovers. This fansubbing is a response to the American ‘hacking’ of the original Japanese files, the outrageous DVD costs, and the slow rate at which an anime is licensed in America. There are legal technicalities involved that are still disputable at the moment, yet most groups cease to fansub once an American distributor has licensed the anime. Many deviant people such as myself prefer to watch these pirated versions because the subtitles are more accurate; another common reason is that nudity (which is found even in children’s anime) and scenes considered inappropriate by the American Christian morale (such as homosexual relationships) are not removed in fansubs. The Japanese have a different attitude to nudity in comparison to the Americans, public baths are commonplace in Japan, as the naked body is considered natural. A good fansub is known to add cultural notes to an episode, educating the spectator, and also refusing to translate certain words that fans are expected to know. Fansubs have actually served the unintentional purpose of helping distributors decide which animes to license. The distributor takes note of the popular animes among the fansubbing and downloading community, and then works a deal with the Japanese studios to bring it to a larger American audience.

In Japan Otakus are considered to be the most severe geeks. They are generally male, the type of geek that really never sees light other than the glow of a monitor, the types who are capable of heinous crimes due to lack of socialization. An American Otaku such as myself will always insist that American and Japanese Otaku are very different. The Japanese consider it an insult to be called Otaku; the Americans consider it a compliment. A Japanese Otaku goes beyond the extreme, stalks women, watches anime nonstop for more than 24hrs at a time, etc. An American Otaku is not limited to only male, and they usually pride themselves in their knowledge of Anime and Japanese culture. American Otaku that call themselves ‘hardcore’ actually take the time to understand a different culture, sometimes choose to learn the language, and refuse to watch anime that has been dubbed in an American voice. They often hoard many cds/dvds worth of pirated anime, and share it amongst their fellow otakus. In Japanese the word Otaku literally means ‘house’, and it became slang for a geek in the 80s. The origin of why this word was used is still uncertain. It received its new derogatory meaning in Japan after it was discovered that the then serial killer Tsutomu Miyazaki had an expansive collection of over six thousand hentai (pornographic anime) and slasher movies. Miyazaki’s crimes involved murdering 4 pre-school aged girls and sexually abusing them post-mortem. His crimes fueled moral panic among the Japanese. I’m afraid that the same will someday happen in America, since the Columbine massacre sparked controversy over teenagers playing computer/videogames and the rock singer Marilyn Manson for his music.

My start in the world of anime was unconsciously at a younger age. During my Saturday morning or-whenever-I-could-sneak-cartoons-in lineup, shows such as Transformers were played. I didn’t know that some of my cartoons were from other countries. As a kid you didn’t really care that the French-created Smurfs were sexist because there was only one woman in their village, you just wanted to watch the cartoon! During High School I stumbled onto the popular franchise of Sailor Moon. I became addicted to the show because of its plot, the show kept moving forward and progressing. Sailor Moon was actually more episodic than most animes, hence it was adopted quicker by American audiences. I got the courage to look it up on the Internet and was exposed to a whole new world. I learned that whole episodes were cut, a gay relationship was glossed into a heterosexual one, and episodes with intense emotions and deaths were altered for American audiences. I desired to see anime in its original form. I discovered Otakus around me in school, borrowed their animes, and exposed myself to more. Eventually I would take a Japanese language class in High school and watch subtitled anime to force myself to learn quicker. When I tried to ‘grow up’ and leave this little hobby behind, I found that I couldn’t. I was so engrossed in the Japanese culture and the culture of anime that I could not sever my ties. Consequently my second major is Japanese Studies. I have taken the next steps in my obsession, I am going to attend the first ever animecon in Hawaii.

An animecon is another truncation, this time for the words Anime and Convention. As you might guess, this means a convention for lovers of anime. A common thing to do at an anime convention, aside from talking about or selling anime goods, is to dress up as your favorite character. This is called cosplay, a loan word from Japan for “costume” and “play”. Cosplay took the idea of dressing up a little bit further than the people who attend Trekkie (Star Trek fans) conventions in costume. The traditional Japanese cosplayers start at a younger age, generally teens cosplaying their favorite characters. There are actually cafes in Japan where the waitresses are dressed in cosplay costumes. At these cafes the most common cosplay costume is a maid outfit. In America I am aware of online communities devoted to cosplaying a variety of characters. Cosplayers sometimes take professional pictures and offer to sell their costume once they have decided to retire it. Animecons have become quite popular in countries besides Japan. Sometimes the biggest news in anime, such as the licensing of animes, is announced at animecons. An animecon is usually referred to by its official name, some of the biggest animecons in the United States are the Anime Expo, the Sakura Con, and the Otacon to name a few. Cons such as the Anime Expo have been around for over a decade. The Anime Expo counted 1,750 people among their first guests when it began in 1992, and 25,000 at the most recent con held in 2004.

This April 22nd thru 24th marks the date for the first ever animecon in Hawaii. It is going to be held on Oahu at the Ala Moana hotel. It is being called “KawaiiCon”, which translates into “Cute Con” or “Cute Convention”. The Asian Cultural Association (ACA), an excuse for an anime club started this year at UHH, is going to be attending. I am going to go alongside them and experience the first ever animecon in Hawaii, get my first taste of cosplaying (I’m currently making my costume), and meet more anime fans than I knew existed in the state of Hawaii. I am looking forward to it and don’t really know what to expect. I’ve had fun researching the history of my hobby and I am curious to see the future of Otakus in America. I predict that the deviant otaku community will continue to grow and that we will eventually see more anime on our local television stations.

Resources:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otaku
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anime
http://www.cjas.org/~leng/otaku-p.htm
http://www.stanford.edu/~dvliu/mainstream.htm
http://www.animeinfo.org/animeu/hist101-l1.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tsutomu_Miyazaki
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/04343/423390.stm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fansubbing
http://epsilon3.georgetown.edu/~coventrm/asa2000/panel3/hashmi.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosplay
http://mdn.mainichi.co.jp/waiwai/0406/0625geek.html
http://www.anime-expo.org/2005profile.shtml
http://www.kawaii-kon.org/

I am channeling otaku-ness

2005-04-12T14:06:00.000-10:00

Yep. Well aside from my major headache which is going on day two... I've been mending my Nami costume and finally decided to start on my five-page 'research' paper that is due tommorrow for Sociology. Ok obviously I am not doing it right this second... but she said we could do anything so I am making a last minute rush to create the ultimate Otaku informational page. Otaku-ness abound. Well hey, she did also say she preffered we chose something we are interested in so that we might discover something we didn't know.. so hey that's what I am doing! I already learned a new world - glomp. This is otaku for a humongous Today-so-lovely,-Ranma-take-Shampoo-on-date? type of hug. I didn't even know that. Gotta love the wikipedia, best online encyclopedia I ever saw! Welp yah, thats where alot of my 'sources' are coming from. And then I got ahold of someone's paper from Standford that just so happens to discuss the possibility of anime being mainstream in America. Waiwai! Otaku is me! If you have no clue - don't bother to ask. I cannot explain this to you in detail because that's what my paper will be about. I have the ultimate procrastination skills, combined with my often praised writing style. To be honest, I didn't do my papers because of my headache.. which is still there, occasionally throbbing to remind me that it hasn't gone away...

Writers block of the proctastination kind

2005-04-09T20:52:00.000-10:00

Yah so I got a paper that I am 80% sure is due on Monday. The results of my tea tasting stuff. I have two pages that I hurriedly printed so that I would have something for our peer review on Friday - and then there was no class. At least, it sure seemed like there was no class because only 4 of us showed up and no teacher.. no note on the door either. It was such a puzzler. The four of us left after 10 minutes and then I heard rumor that a paper was posted somewhere saying that all of that proff's classes were cancelled for the day. Our paper is scheduled to be due on Monday... so as much as I would like to think that this absence postponed it, it probably didn't and I should be writing it. But I got the procrastinator's kind of writers block. Seriously, I had a headache this morning as if I had a hangover - no alcohol mind you. Weird things going through my mind. Anime party tommorrow that I have to bring anime and dramas to... David wants me to play WoW.. And the whole petition thing is crazy - the stupid woman is blaming other teachers for this, and for the stupidest reason - because the teacher is using a different book? Riiiight... because Ohara sensei is using a different book than Okuyama to teach the first year students, the second year students are protesting that Okuyama (she doesn't deserve the sensei title..) doesn't teach the third year... Anyone see the correlation here, cuz I am really at a loss.

It must suck to be a celebrity

2005-04-06T15:59:00.000-10:00

In America anyways, celebrities are hounded by little watch-dogs everywhere they go. Why? Well I think because we are fascinated with their lives. Why are we fascinated with their lives? Because we think they are super-human, they are celebrity and thus everything we want to be. It has its price. I think the death of Princess Diana is the biggest example of paparazzi gone too far. Why does everyone need to know? Really, what satisfaction are they getting out of knowing who your next boyfriend is, how much you plunked down to buy a house, what the name of your dog is, and if you're pregnant. Honestly, what difference does it make in someone else's life? If only everyone had the chance to be a celebrity for a day, then they would possibly understand the torture alot of these people go through. Then again, some of them feed off of it and love to hear their name in the tabloids. Ohwell, these things happen.

Go play fun and cute games at: orisinal.com

I'm becomming like David!

2005-04-04T08:19:00.000-10:00

Ack! I'm starting to neglect my posting duties! Hah - like I owe it to you or something. :P Just been doing school stuff, worrying about the Kawaiiicon (planetickets were a bitch)... uhm, waited this weekend for a classmate to call so we could study for our test today but I never got one... Does that mean I was stood up? O_o Ohyah David hurt me alot! He bumped my knee into the wall when he was carrying me and I think it hit the bone cuz it was sore for two days. Still kinna sore now, but feels less painful. He also slashed one of my toes up with his toenail... stepping on it and causing me pain then discovering he did more than stepping... I made him cut his toenails after that. They were sharp killers! Yah I suppose all the stuff happened when I was horsing around sorta... but he still hurt me and I thought it was funny how he was all sad about it. The petition thing I had going about the future Japanese teacher for third year seems like its fallen through and nothing will change. Its a shame too, I need that class to graduate and didn't want that teacher. She was really bad if you asked me. Owell. That gives me more time to worry about things like the con and my green tea sugar/taste test research. That should prove interesting, I'll let you know how it goes? Hehe, its more like I am talking to myself on here so what's the point? Anyways... uhm.. stuff... and then I found $20, the end!

A bright rainshiny day

2005-03-29T10:29:00.000-10:00

Gee being back in Hilo with all the rain just makes me remember why I like Kona and why my parents chose to live and raise my sister and I in Kona. The weather forcast on Yahoo is predicting rain all week. Funny that I went to the desert on my National Student Exchange... I went from a place that rains alot to a place that hardly rained at all. I actually liked it there because there was no humidity to ruin my hair. :P Now I'm back to this rainy place and my hair don' t like it either. I seem to remember that Manoa also has rainy issues, being a valley and all (and a recent flood destroying a section of the library). So college life in Hawaii must be all about the rain. I swear if they built a University in Kona it would do much better! They've had the land set aside for a University for years... but in Hawaii, things happen on Hawaiian time.. :P In the meantime I'll just sit in my room waiting for the rain to stop.

Stepping out of the cave and into the sun

2005-03-27T21:28:00.000-10:00

Most people enjoy a vacation, right? If this vacation had been any longer I probably wouldn't have liked it. It was great to get away from it all for a little while. I watched no news (I don't watch TV anyways), tried not to read the BBC too much, basically just saw One Piece and played World of Warcraft with David. Among other things I played alot with my cat.. yes you can play with cats. They like cuddling and sunshine and strings and sparse kissies and being carted around the house and told how cute they are. Talked with my mom, sewed part of my costume for the Anime Con, downloaded things, talked to Diana, and forgot about all my worries. Well I didn't totally forget about them, I just released myself from all emotions. I was in a cave but it was a blissful cave. I would have definately gotten bored if it had lasted much longer. I am not exactly ready to focus on classes again but it is something I am just going to have to do. Hmm. To leave on a chipper note. A sentence that I just typed to David that I am positive is grammatically correct, but seems so odd:

"What what was?"

What happens on Spring Break...

2005-03-18T13:06:00.000-10:00

Stays on Spring break? I miss the last spring break I had, where I was able to do a roadtrip. Being on an island makes roadtrips highly impossible! :P Since I was in California at that time it wasn't a real issue. I also miss the fact that I was on a quarter system, so all my classes were officially over before the break happened and there was no homework that needed to be done, papers to consider, projects to continue. Starting new classes is a fun experience for me and I felt that I got to do that more often when on the quarter system. Altho I felt the quarter system was way too easy for me because I was only taking three classes at a time, when I am more accustomed to five or six. Even four seems easy.

Sofar my break doesn't look like its going to be super productive, unless you consider gaming to be productive. I'll get my share of my kitty cat, and his brother, and basically play either on my PS2 or on the computer. I wouldn't mind chillin with some of my friends but there isn't much one can do on an island, you can only go to the beach so many times.

I hope I don't have too much fun forgetting everything....

美亜対美矢？ Mia or Miya?

2005-03-13T00:55:00.000-10:00

Mia is my nickname, I have been called it since the day my younger sister could speak. I didn't use it much with my friends until recently. I used to reserve it to only a family thing. Recently I have decided that for some it is just easier to tell them that Mia is my name, because then they can say it correctly. Plus it's cute, and I'm cute! ^_^ I was very sick of hearing 'May' in Bakersfield, it wasn't something I respond to. Mia is just me! I still respond to Melia and whichever mis-pronunciations that come about. That's what you get for having a kid with a name that's not english, right? (And I am thinking of giving my kids Japanese names...) Heh well I wonder what my parents would have named me if they didn't come to Hawaii. My sister got to be named after some male relative named Nicholas, and I was suppossed to be Malia which was Hawaiian for Mary, after some great aunt of mine. Well they slightly changed it (Melia means Plumeria - the most common flower used in leis) and the rest is who I am. Well now that I am going by Mia alot more I decided that it is much better to use Mia as my Japanese name, since there are no "l's" in Japanese. May-ria sounds a little silly, just another way to say my name wrong. [Don't worry peeps! I don't seriously get mad at anyone who says my name wrong unless they are doing it to annoy me!] But Mia sounds smoother and sounds like I am Japanese. :) Well one of my Japanese friends here spelled my name as "Miya" and I thought that was uber cute! Sounds exactly the same too! My dilemna comes with the matter of kanji. 美亜 (Mia) means "Beautiful Asia". Sounds a little strange to me, I aint really Asia... I've been using that one for now but I am wondering if I should consider a change... 美矢 (Miya) means "beautiful arrow"... that sounds cuter. But then again it's not necessarily a matter of how cute I am, right? :P Both kanji's are easy for me to write. I don't think Japanese people place huge importance on what a name literally means. Just wondered what some people would think. (Yes I think about silly and useless things at 1am)

Things your memory does to irritate you

2005-03-11T21:42:00.000-10:00

Don't you hate it when you totally recognize someone, you know that you know them, they know they know you, but you have no idea how or where? There is a girl in my sociology class who I am having this issue with. Since day one of that class I knew I knew her and I confronted her about it today. She said she also feels the same way since day one of the class. I was shocked to find out she is only 16! We passed some info back and forth but still never managed to pinpoint where we knew each other from. When I was in the shower just now I was thinking about it some more and I think its possible that she was in the Afterschool program that I worked for back when I was in highschool. I need to ask her about that! I mean, there is a 7 year age difference between us. I used to teach the third graders but you kind-of knew all the kids in the program after a while. And if she was in the 4th grade, well then I knew those kids too. Or she could have been a sibling of one of the kids and would pick up her sibling sometimes. Gyah I so want to talk to her about it! Unfortunately I won't be seeing her until next Monday. If I can't figure out where I know her from than I am going to assume its a past life thing. Ahh and it is going to bug me alot! Ahh and there are so many tests that are coming up because next week is the last week we have before Spring Break. The teachers love to pile on the tests before we go. They have good reason I think. Nobody wants to come back for a test after having a break!

Poor Jacko

2005-03-10T17:31:00.000-10:00

I am of the belief that Michael Jackson is just a werid sick guy in need of guidance, so it is very easy to accuse him of such terrible things. Sofar the stories in the news make it sound as if the family really is out to extort money - the three kid's testimonies sofar have holes and don't always match up. Owell. It's truly none of my business anyways.

I got upset with my Zen philosophy teacher at my night class so I left early. He had given me a B on my midterm paper that I had worked on at home. One of my classmates who got an A didn't even bother to study or anything and wrote it during classtime, yet managed to get an A. I am not mad, just upset. Normally I don't get upset with B's, but I really feel like I deserved an A. The proff said he would be letting us retake the test if we wanted to and he will keep the better of our grades. Here I go again feeling like I am getting straight B's. Gosh I hope not though, because I am going to apply for a tuition waiver. The waiver requires that I maintain a 3.5gpa or else it will be revoked. I haven't been awarded it yet but I have a feeling if I can't get a 3.5 this semester then I won't be eligible. My average is a 3.5 and I have worked hard to get it up to there. I am going to have to work even harder it seems. GPA might mean everything when I apply to graduate school.

Excruciatingly hot

2005-03-08T21:12:00.000-10:00

Today was super hot, the temperature was 85F (29C), and it felt so much hotter because of the humidity. On top of that there was a lot of wind, blowing all the hot air around. I got stuck with the task of delivering scans (so people can get paid) all around the entire campus in this sweltering weather. I was visibly upset and quite irritated, mainly with my boss but that's another matter. I lived nontheless and now I am here to complain about it. Not much else has happened. I was told yesterday by my friends that they decided to have a party at my place. :P I wonder how that is going to be now that I have this weird roommate. Right now I'm thinking of going to play World of Warcraft and I am hoping that I can play my PvP player without getting pk'd. It happens way too much I haven't played that char in a while - and its my favorite char. We shall see how it goes!

Ye who hath no sin

2005-03-07T21:52:00.000-10:00

I believe it actually goes, "He who hath no sin shall cast the first stone." My boss at work has a cute little paper weight fashioned into a stone and it is labeled "the first stone". Silly. :) Well I noticed that there were some really terrible comments that anonymous people have left behind. I don't think my friends would tell me I am mean or something anonymously, I think they would just say it. Anyways, I am going to officially change the layout of this website sometime this month, perhaps Spring Break. I don't like how those random websurfers think they have the right to tell someone else that they are dirt. If you know who I am then you can go ahead and rant. But if you don't, why are you bothering? One person dared to call me "self-absorbed"... to this person I ask, what the hell do you think a journal is? I think everyone is entitled to talk about themselves and ONLY themselves in a journal, because a journal is not created for everyone else. You can argue all you want that this is online, but just because it is online does not mean that anonymous people have the right to hurt other people's feelings. I never leave random flames for other people, and I expected other people to be just as considerate. I guess unfortunately the rest of the world is just plain mean. I still need to learn that.

The childishness continues

2005-03-06T11:11:00.000-10:00

My roommate emptied her little trash containter from the bathroom. I never really used it before she started being this way... but I would sometimes put a bag in there for her. So I did, not thinking much of it. Well she still hasn't said a word to me for weeks and such. She put another bag over it. Ok, lame, being silly I had thought to myself. Well then I wakeup this morning and after a while of doing morning things I use the bathroom and notice that she had taken her bag out, and left it on the opposite side of the toilet that her trash container was on. What sheer chidlishness! How dare she touch or use a bag I put in there! Gasp - it's a Walmart bag!!! Well I can't believe the stupidity so I just took out the bag I had put in and then replaced it with her bag. I never use that trash anyways. She must want the bathroom to look like the kitchen... she's got a bag sitting out in the kitchen where I constantly step on or trip... so that she can use her original container for soda and water bottles... (they've instituted a new recycle policy in the state of Hawaii - you can get $0.05 back if you bring your can to the designated center) Ugh, I think I am living with a 5yr old!!!

今晩はいいな経験をしました (Tonite was a good experience)

2005-03-02T21:47:00.000-10:00

I didn't know those kanji btw... I just looked them up. :P Tonite I went out as a group to a hotel to meet and speak with some Japanese college students. They barely knew English so I had to use alot of Japanese. I have never been forced into a situation like that! I was suprised at how well I did though. Me and my Korean friend Eunhi did very well out of the group I think, and that's mainly because the both of us have taken higher level Japanese courses than the rest of them did. The girls I was talking to were a little preppy and clique-like, but it was all good. Even when I thought I didn't know what someone said and then I repeated what I thought they had said to someone in English I was usually right. That was so cool! Sometimes I want to be forced to speak Japanese because I think it will really help me. I try sometimes to speak to Yasuto or Kayo in Japanese when I am on the phone with them but I don't always keep it up. I am also insecure about what I say, worried that I am saying something the wrong way and they definately won't understand. I think that this was such a good experience for me because I learned that I really am capable of surviving if I were dumped in Japan! Man that was such a good experience... Honestly I never used that much Japanese in my life... I guess because I am normally surrounded by people who don't know much so if I say it they won't have a clue. Ahh I'm still all happy about it!!! You have no idea... being with so many Japanese people and being a translator for some was awesome! I was totally understanding questions that were asked of me.. I was totally answering!!! I was sooo there and soo on it! Ahh!

It's nice to feel good once in a while

2005-03-01T15:17:00.000-10:00

I've got nothing special up my sleeve, I'm just trying to be a chipper person. I got two cool books from my friend Yasuto, and they are really cool. Did I mention they are cool? I had never been able to find such a comprehensive Japanese cookbook - usually you can only find sushi and nothing else. And it's bilingual. I can practice my Japanese when reading it. Yasuto is cool. :P

My orchid is definately going to bloom, there is no doubt about that now. I can't wait to see what color it is going to be! Every day its getting just a little bit bigger and my anticipation just keeps building. I'll definately post a pic when it finally blooms so all can see what a pretty flower I have grown. ^_^

This Thursday I am going to be performing Japanese festival music on campus for the Hina Matsuri festival. Yes, we celebrate Girl's day here just like they do in Japan. We also celebrate Boys day too. :P Just one of those things we do here in Hawaii. I don't think that the majority of us, the new students, are ready to perform. We barely learned the pieces. Lastnight we did a runthrough and I still don't know everything. It's a little annoying that the sensei makes David the only one to play the odo (the really big drum). My other classmates and I think it is because David is the only male, and the sensei is 80 so he has a bias that was bred into him a long time ago. I get to play the kane alot.. the kane is an instrument that is like a big ashtray that makes a little clanky noise when you hit it with a thick piece of wood on a small stick. That damm thing is heavy and there's like, only three ways to play the damm thing. I'd rather play more drums. -_- Aside from that I feel in a good mood. David's Dad is going to take us out to dinner again tonite, we have no idea where we will go. Wherever our stomachs shall take us! Maybe Mexican food tonite? I can have me another Li-Hing-Mui Margarita if we go to Reuben's. Mmm that sounds good.

Weekend happenings

2005-02-27T18:45:00.000-10:00

I went home for a day yesterday. That means I spent four hours driving around the island. It was so great to see my little Skitty for the day. I wish I had seen more of him. He was sleeping under the bed like he normally does but as soon as he realized it was me he came out immediately and wanted attention. I love that cat! It's going to be so hard for me to marry David and move out... ;_; Even his brother Orion (aka Bubby) was happy to see me. They finagled some grass out of me.. :P (they eat is as a treat) Skittles knows he has the power over me because I think he is sooooo cute. All he has to do is be himself and I melt. I'm the human that doesn't involve much effort to get what he wants. While I was home my mom layered my hair for me. That was the biggest complaint I had about Nikki's haircut. She knows now what I think about her haircut, she could see and admitted that it wasn't layered. Not a whole lot happened other than I did my laundry and my Dad was really glad to see me. I'm Daddy's little girl now even tho I didn't think I was until recently. Maybe because out of his daughters I'm the most like him? He made me feel much better about the whole roommate thing. I told him she read something she didn't like on my online journal and he asked about how she read it. He wanted to know if she had sat at my computer to do the dirty deed. I told him she copied the address from my screen and then opened it up on her computer and went pretty far back to find that entry. His anecdote was the best of them all. He said if someone is going to go through that much trouble to snoop into someone else's life like that then they deserve to learn a thing or two about themselves. I could be extremely pissed at her for snooping, and snooping or sticking your nose where it don't belong is definately not a good quality. I think she's reacting childishly anyway. She's trying to keep all of our things obviously seperate, giving me stink eye if our eyes ever meet, and above all not willing to listen to reason. If she ever valued being my friend than this little bump would have been resolved a week ago. I don't know if it's related, but recently I have heard her raising her voice at her parents while on the phone. Other than that and the TV it has been pretty quiet around here. I need a cute little kitty to cuddle with between school hours.. that would be heaven! David would probably be sad because I would get all cuddled-out and then not want to cuddle with him. He's a guy who loves to cuddle, and sofar I haven't really had a complaint about that. Except when he says we've cuddled for too long and he wants to go back to his room and play on his puter. Owell. I go out to kitchen now because my human hunny-bunny is making me a chicken quesadilla!!! Mmmmmm.

Oh man I am WAAAY too good

2005-02-24T20:47:00.000-10:00

I shared my dialogue that I am so proud of with one of my Japanese friends. I cut and pasted what I had wrote in my blog. This is what he said:

[20:29] Kenboy(^O^)/: shit!!
[20:30] Kenboy(^O^)/: where did you get this conversation?
[20:30] MeiohSetsuna: i wrote it
[20:30] MeiohSetsuna: ^_^
[20:30] Kenboy(^O^)/: man
[20:30] MeiohSetsuna: am i good or what? :P
[20:30] Kenboy(^O^)/: it's just like a porno script.
[20:30] MeiohSetsuna: MUAHAHA
[20:30] MeiohSetsuna: they told me it was like a real japanese ^_^
[20:30] Kenboy(^O^)/: yeah
[20:30] Kenboy(^O^)/: pretty much!
[20:31] MeiohSetsuna: ahh its so funny how this makes me proud :P
[20:31] Kenboy(^O^)/: lol

David said I should become a Japanese porno script writer. Owell, there went my acting career! (Like it went very far anyways)

I am the next great thing

2005-02-24T20:01:00.000-10:00

I have decided that my new goal in life is to become a Japanese actress. Yep, I want to be an actress who works in Japan, speaks in Japanese, and is GOOD. Mhuahahaha! Everytime we memorize dialogues in Japanese class and repeat them to the lab monitor she tells me I am like an actress. :P I can't help but want to make it sound better! Yesterday I made a dirty dialogue... we would get extra credit if we created a dialogue similar to ones in our Japanese Business book and then memorized it. I made something like this:

女：　休みを折るにはどうすればいいんですか？ (Woman: What should I do when I wanna take vacation leave?)
男：　僕のちんぽをなめるのほうはいいと思います。 (Man: I think it would be good if you lick my dick.)
女：　え！ひどい！こちにこないで！ (Woman: What! That's mean! Don't come over here!)
男：　じょだん、じょだん！人事課のところへ行こうよ。 (Man: Joking, joking! Go to the Personnel Department place.)
女：　人事課？その人はてつだいの力がありますか？ (Woman: Personnel Department? Do those ppl have the power to help me?)
男：　はい。がんばって下さい。 (Man: Yep. Good luck.)

The lab monitor laughed so hard and got so red in the face when she read my dialogue. I think it was a little wrong in terms of grammar and particles, but she got the obvious gist of it right away. Today her and her friend who is another lab monitor walked by me and her friend told me she loved my sentences. She said it was just like a real Japanese person. They asked me if the teacher had said anything to me yet because they had given my paper to him. He didn't say anything, but I was wondering what the look on his face was when he had read it. That would have been so worth it!

I want to apologize so much

2005-02-23T19:27:00.000-10:00

This isn't the first time someone has told me they won't accept an apology. I didn't realize it was going to hurt so much though. I still hurt about Jane, and that was also purely my fault. Jane doesn't want to resume comraderie and I guess I can't blame her much. Graduating from Highschool also set us on different paths. Even I used to say that fighting over a guy was the worst thing to do, and I pretty much did it when it came to her. Tonite I did something so simple... I gave Andrea her little hairties because she had accidently left them in the bathroom. She said, "Oh, thanks." Those are the first words she has spoken to me since Saturday. It made my heart beat so fast and I quickly went into the other room and had to compose myself. A few tears slipped and I was thankful that she hadn't seen. I felt the urge to quickly rush in and hug her and beg for forgiveness, but I know that is not a possibility. I had a dream a few nights ago that felt so real I wondered if I should do it or not, that I should do what I saw in the dream. In it I had given her a gift, because I still harbor guilt about not getting her a Christmas gift. I had wrote her a note about how I knew she wouldn't forgive me etc, but I wanted her to pretend it was the Xmas gift I never got her. It was a realistic half-awake half-asleep dream, and I didn't get to finish it so I don't know if that is a good idea or not. I think it isn't a good idea because no matter how much I deny it, it would look like I was trying to buy back her friendship. Whether or not she cared about Xmas gifts. I can understand why she got so upset about what I said. If only I had clarified it better. I had called her an "Annete in training", and I don't think anyone would really want to be compared to my former roommate Annette. I actually don't hate Annette, David is the one who complains about my roommates more than I do. Annette had come to Hawaii because she wanted to loose weight. That was one of the stupidest excuses I had heard. Annette would eat ice cream every night at the Dining Hall, which didn't help at all. There was a time when Andrea was eating ice-cream, and she also desires to loose weight. Annette was little messy, and Andrea is a little messy. But then again, so am I. There are days where Andrea will clean more than I do, so maybe she is actually cleaner than me? Sometimes Andrea will leave coffee in her coffee pot overnight, and that reminded me of Annette leaving her's there for almost a month. So no she wasn't as extreme, it just reminded me of that time. Annette's voice was louder than mine, and so is Andrea's. If you know me you probably know that I am so VERY soft and quiet you often have to ask me to repeat something I said. Ah to think I wrote that terrible thing back in October. Since then I had gotten entirely used to Andrea, and I often felt that I should be even friendlier. There were a few times where I didn't want her to come back so quickly, simply because I was going to have some alone-time with David. I really don't like PDA and I don't think it is right to subject even a close roommate to that sort of torture. Annette used to scream when she walked into the room and David and I were kissing or cuddling. No, I didn't want to do that to Andrea. I often wonder why she doesn't try to make more friends, she has only had one over in the entire time that we've been roommates, whereas I have had numerous SailorMoon parties, etc. Actually the other day some of my friends came over and 'kidnapped' me from my schoolwork. When I finally learned what we were going to be doing, going out to eat as a gang, part of me wanted to run back and grab Andrea (I did go grab David tho). But that was the day after we had our confrontation and I didn't think she'd accept to go anywhere if I was involved. I swear she drove by the group while we were walking on the road, and I felt guilty. Especially since the one friend she had invited over previously was among the group. I didn't want her to think I was stealing her other friend. She probably already does. She's been going to sleep around 10:30 lately and I feel guilty so I turn off the lights and hop in bed and use my laptop. Except I know that her sleeping habits are akin to mine, and she probably can't sleep very well with the glow from my laptop illuminating the room. All the more reason for me to feel guilty. It would be awesome if she would let us put the past behind us, but I really think she's headstrong. I hurt her feelings. Maybe she needs a blog too? I always tend to write when I am upset or something. Do you honestly write stuff when you are in a happy mood? I think that's why alot of my entries seem to be so depressive or sinister. David doesn't write in his blog much lately - maybe he's always in a happy mood? Heh he plays games too much to be unhappy. And he's not a girl so he doesn't judge his life my his relationships with people.

If it makes you happy...

2005-02-22T21:55:00.000-10:00

It can't be that bad.. If it makes you happy... then why the hell are you so sad? (Sheryl Crow for those who are clueless)

When little things get you down, little things can turn you around. Through hard work and toil, your sincere endeavors will not spoil. It was once a small plant in the mud, but after all your efforts you grew a bud!

-- Melia

Hehe that might be one of the dumbest poems I ever made. Well anyways, I took this picture of my orchid yesterday. If I'm not mistaken, it's going to bloom soon. This means alot to me - I have been trying so hard to learn how to grow orchids. This would be the first time I ever got one to flower for me. I don't even know what color the flowers will be - although I suspect they are going to be white. I bought this orchid at half off the original price because it was starting to die, and people don't buy them when there are no pretty flowers. I spray it with a mildly fertilized water at least every other day, depending on how humid the weather is. I must be doing something right, right? =^_^=

Becoming the hatchet

2005-02-21T23:22:00.000-10:00

I was going to write about how I have become someone with a dark and secret past. But that just looked like I was asking for more trouble, asking for sympathy, and making myself out to be something special when I am not. So I shall say this. I think I am still a depressive maniac, I have just managed to get a better control of myself. Better at hiding the feelings. David has succeeded in putting my suicidal tendencies on hold. Six years is a long time to make a big impression like that on someone's life. With his help I have slowly turned myself to face a different direction. And when he is not there I have a habit of slipping a little. He gets upset with my dependency on him sometimes, and I often think he forgets who I used to be. I think I forget who I used to be. Instead I have turned into those I used to loathe. I am amazed at how different I am now. I see former versions of me walking around as highschoolers or freshman, and I feel a sense of motherhood towards them. A feeling like, "i've been there and I can show you how to get to the otherside." I am not so sure that the otherside is all that it's cracked up to be. And sometimes I wish to return to their side. To wallow in pity and lap up whatever sympathy the wind blows my way. You can't help yourself when you are there. Now that I am here, I feel so hypocritical. I remember what it was that I had hated so much about this side, and what I had once desired from it. David may never fully grasp how much he has transformed my life. Or how much I had wished for our relationship when I was in my youth. Someday I will let him read my old journals. I think they are painful though. I can still think of many wishes I once had that still haven't reached fruition. I tend to think that my life will be like a poem I once read. The poem was about a girl who wished everyday that god would take her away. Years went by and she was eventually a happily married mother. Then God came and took her away, and she didn't want to die anymore. The moral of the poem stuck with me. I never thought I would recieve the same fate. I thought I would never meet a guy, I would never find happiness. I would just let God or whatever take me away when the time finally came. Perhaps this story will be all too true to my own life. I already suspect I am dying inside, was on the verge of death several times (especially taking into account every 'barely made it' car situation). I damaged my liver enough that once, my kidneys on another occasion. My ears recently. Watch me die of hypochondrism. :P

Guess I do say mean things

2005-02-21T00:38:00.000-10:00

Yah I guess I do. Never really thought or realized how bad it seems. Perhaps I need to clarify myself better. I hate no-one! I enjoy being alone or with David, and then I have my times where I like to be with people. I like to hole myself up in a little world and prefer not to talk to others unless I have to. Those who invade my privacy are likely to be talked about, but I never meant to say I hated them. A cat is seriously the best example of my attitude. Doesn't realize how sharp and powerful those claws are. Doesn't understand why ppl are scolding. Thinks the world owes me a favor and everyone should bow down - and ofcourse that I am the best. I am the embodiment of a cat, which I guess isn't always a good thing. I try to be humble but I guess not humble enough. Bad kitty? Too late, got ran over by a car.

What's the meanest thing you've done?

2005-02-21T00:27:00.000-10:00

ルムメトは本当に最悪。ゆるしてくれないのほうは“ない”って言うしました。So do I start not treating this like the journal I had once intended? One can argue that a journal is private, and is only shared with another when they are given explicit permission. Is it different since it is on the internet? Probably. There isn't a privacy feature installed here. I wonder how many others of my friends have stopped talking to me because I said something about them. I haven't heard from Diana in ages.. wonder if I pissed her off.. do I take out all references to anyone I know? Just because they might someday read it and get mad? Hah, if anyone, my sister would be the most pissed. That girl knows how to hold the biggest grudge imaginable, and how to make your time with her a living hell. You haven't met anyone mean until you've been on my sister's bad side. I say mean things about her all the time, yet she is still my sister and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am not very good about writing happy things in any of my journals/diaries. I tend to write the most when I am irritated with someone or something, and that is when the worst of me comes out. Sometimes when I am depressed also. I never intended to hurt anyone with the things I say. Someone did mention once that my blogs seemed to be about me ranting on someone or something. :P That is how I am.. writing is the best way to get out my feelings, and you often don't mean all of it an hour or so later. My handwritten journals are all the same. Writing is the way to release. Once when I was younger and feeling depressed I decided to write my 'will', and in it I delegated who was going to get what out of my personal belongings. I never really intended that it be real, or go past my room. My mother found it one day when she was sitting at my desk (I once had the only computer in the house and she was borrowing it for wordprocessing). I could have been mad at her for reading it. She was upset with me, and she had cried almost the whole afternoon before I got back from school and then confronted me all puffy-eyed. I hadn't exactly said very nice things in it... I remember it contained alot of hate and rage towards her, my father, and my sister. Which I don't necessarily feel, I had probably got into an argument right before writing it. Was I suppossed to beg on my knees for forgiveness? I had wrote it and I couldn't change what I wrote. She had misunderstood me entirely. I guess I get that alot. If I ever hurt you, talk to me about it. Chances are I really didn't mean it. If you know me then you know I'm really nice and I try to be sweet. Alas, the meanest things I ever do are hurt people's feelings.

No second chances for b**ches like me

2005-02-20T14:03:00.000-10:00

So what do you do when someone you live with suddenly hates you? First you try to figure out what went wrong, then you fix it (if you are a responsible human being that is). Sometimes people don't want to resolve things. Then you can only do so much to make life hospitable. Such is the case with me right now. My roommate has decided I am no longer a friend via some comment I once made in my blog. (Reminds me of those cases where you loose your job over a blog) As she put it, nothing I can say will change anything. It's too bad she feels that way. I have no intention of leaving this semester even if she is going to make my life a living hell now. I don't know how mean she can be, since I've never been on this end of her stick. In my opinion what I had wrote about her wasn't that bad, but I guess to her it means everything. It was also dated material, months ago in October '04. Her interpretation of what I said probably was worse than I intended it to be. (Am I really that much of a bitch?) I probably wouldn't want to hear anything bad about me either. She probably won't be reading my blog anymore now, I can assume. Maybe she'll go on a spree telling everyone how bad I am, but I don't think she's the type. Maybe one or two people that she trusts and hangs out with. I used to be really hurt when people talked bad about me. I haven't had it happen to me for a while so I don't know how I would react. I don't know if she is that type of person, I really don't think so though. I think she deserves more credit in this situation, she could have tried to get into a physical fight or something, throwing my belongings around. Yes it's harsh that she said nothing I said would change a thing, that everything I would say is an excuse, and that I should talk to an RA to consider other living arrangements. Sigh. Hence the no second chances. Not everyone takes criticism lightly. I suppose I am lucky that David hasn't left me for the comments that I have made about him. All I can do now is avoid making her even more upset. Dunno what that means just yet. I guess life is going to be about my heartbeat getting uncontrollably fast now. I don't doubt that she'll never forgive me. She's probably got a few good things to say about me (good as in bad). I just hope I don't turn into a crybaby. I used to control my tears really well when I was younger and had to face trying situations like this daily. I might have lost that ability now. It would just give her another reason to hate me. She's still not a bad person, despite all this. Just very headstrong. I had suspected something was wrong around Weds or Thurs of lastweek. I could have pretended I didn't notice, but I didn't want to be insensitive to her. But I guess I already was too insensitive. I wish her luck in future endeavors, and hope we can still live together peacefully for the rest of the semester. I know she won't listen to apologies because she deems them excuses, but I'm still sorry that this happened. I've always been a sorry excuse for a person anyway.

たいへん！たいへん！It's SO terrible!!

2005-02-16T17:01:00.000-10:00

NARUTO HAS BEEN LICENSED.

This is the end of the world folks. Cartoon Network has announced that they are adding Naruto to their lineup. We shall be noticing in the days to come that many of the licensing groups are going to drop our beloved Naruto. It's so terrible! It's such a shame!!! Actually I am kind of suprised it took this long to license it... it's been obviously popular at AnimeCons and stores that sell anime merchandise have stocked up on Naruto for a few years now. Toriyama was probably holding out till he got the best deal. We all knew that this was eventually going to happen. No popular anime is untouched. We need to band together and demand that American translators do a much better job translating Anime. American's don't understand what goes into Anime, what makes a good anime... Support the originals!!! Don't buy AMERICAN-MADE anime!!! We gotta keep it REAL folks. (If you buy region 2 dvds they play on a computer with the Video Lan Client aka VLC program perfectly fine... it seems to skip region codes ^_^ )

Your lips are as soft as Sashimi

2005-02-16T14:13:00.000-10:00

So the dreaded V-day came around and not alot of good happened between David and I. I am giving him a chance to make it up, but I really don't know if he's going to be doing it. This boy has forgotten my birthday in previous years... AND V-day two years ago sent me home mad enough to drown my sorrows in a bottle of rum. I'm not super mad at him this time around, but I enjoy giving him some grief in the hopes it will change him a little. Don't go thinking that I was some princess wanting to be waited on hand and foot - I gave him a V-day gift that was worthy of giving. From him I recieved a single rose, and I suspect I got it only because I pestered him. Now I leave the rest up to him.

I got to eat Japanese food lastnight because David's father was in town. He's been here alot because he was selected as a jury member for a trial that just so happens to be taking place on this side of the island. We've gone out to eat a couple of times already with him. Japanese food was previously on our menu. I had うなぎどんぶり (eel with rice) and we all had some sushi. I love the California roll, despite the fact that it is a western creation. In my opinion it really should belong in the Japanese food palette. The texture and color are the main components of it that make it feel 'Japanese-ish' to me. Presentation is almost everything to Japanese food, and the presentation of the California roll is かんぺき　(perfect) in my opinion. It's all about the avocado. The taste and texture are smooth and slide easy on the way down. Much like sashimi. After this lovely dinner I gave David a kiss and his lips reminded me of the smoothness of ahi sushi. Hence I told him, "Your lips are as soft as sashimi." It was such an odd thing to say and we looked at each other with funny facial expressions and then he said "Ok.. not sure if that was a compliment..." I wanted to eat sashimi after that. :P

Pink, pink, you st...

2005-02-13T22:34:00.000-10:00

So today was kind of a Valentines thingy to me. Ugh, the color pink was everywhere. Quite sickening. I dunno which is worse, pink or red. They both are up there for me on the undesirable list. And yet I always seem to be stuck with an ugly red car. Eew.

I proved to myself and to David that I can hold out on him - giftwise, silly! Ugh people have such terrible minds. I hadn't told him about the stickers I got him, and I purposely planted 'evidence' on my computer to pretend like I got him a shirt from thinkgeek.com! He had no idea for the past two weeks or so until I dropped a little hint yesterday. Then I gave him the stickers today. Mhuaha, I am capable of being sneaky!

Papers can be annoying things. Ahh, just think about what wonderful thesis papers I shall have to do when I attend grad school. I think it's going to be Manoa, without a doubt, unless David gets a really cool job right away in another state. And at the moment I am looking into either Japanese or Anthropology as my Master. Either one gives me a good excuse to go live in Japan for a year or two. :P But then again, this could be like my undergraduate major, and take me a few years to concretely decide on something.

Scissors and Paper

2005-02-12T19:44:00.000-10:00

So I let my sister cut my hair because I was dying to get it cut. It was getting long but was just not agreeing with humidity. And why on earth did I let my sister do it? This is the second time I have let her near my hair with a pair of scissors, and I think it was just as much a disaster as the first time. Somehow one inch turned into three, and layering must not be part of her vocabulary. I had thought that I would give her a second chance, but I should have realized that it was going to be this way. At least its not so bad that I would have to go bald, but it is NOT what I wanted, and thats what counts.

I finally got inspired to draw something the other day. I hope I will be able to finish it, because I think it looks pretty and is worthy of more attention. Unfortunately I just so happened to start working on it when I had a few tests around the corner, so I needed to switch focus onto those darn pesky tests. Maybe if I work with it in Illustrator I can turn it into the new design for my blog! (Since I want to be original and all...) It's kinna a portrait of my Night Elf Hunter charecter on World of Warcraft. :P Sorta. I used a screen shot from the game for the initial inspiration, and then I have elaborated on the outfit to look like the sexy Night Elf armor you can see on the Blizzard website. Anime style, ofcourse.

Will be focusing on my English paper tommorrow... I am thinking of possibly rewriting the whole thing! We started to work on it in the very first week of school, so now things are a little different from when I first wrote it. Ahh papers can be time consuming. At least I am allowed to use internet sources. :) I actually felt like I was encouraged to use internet sources more than others! (creditable ones tho, such as the BBC) I think I should go to bed to be rested and ready for paper writing... need more... relaxation...

I want purple hair again

2005-02-07T23:24:00.000-10:00

I really miss having purple hair. I wonder if I will ever be able to dye my hair purple again? I think that totally depends on where I go in life. Its so funny how I am so obsessed with my hair. It was one of the things about me that I hated the most. I think also on that list are my thunder thighs and blubber butt. About the only aspect of me that I really like is my nose. Back in the day my sister tried to give me advice on what I could to do improve my self-esteem. She told me that she had read in a magazine that you should pick one thing about yourself that you like and keep emphasizing it. I tried it a little, and my nose was the feature that I had picked. When I am here in Hilo I do not like how my hair reacts to the weather, etc. In Bakersfield my hair did what I wanted, and because of that I felt more attractive. SO I guess I better leave Hilo then? :P Its about time for me to leave anyways....

On to thinking about Grad School... what else can I do? I really don't know what to do with myself.... :(

Inspire Me

2005-02-03T09:48:00.000-10:00

Inspire me! I am in need of inspiration. I am going through a phase again. My life is in need of spicing up. I thought that maybe if I started drawing again I might fill the void. But the inspiration and motivation are still not there. I am too used to my comfortable way of life. Would you want to stop what you were doing to try something new? I'm just a confused individual.

I found a new artist to aspire to. Her name is Nene Thomas and she has a few anime-style pictures that spark my interest. I've collected her stickers before, and I even have a shirt with one of her anime chars on it. I think she may be my new favorite artist. :P What I like about her though is the way she comes up with her pictures. She says that she 'pieces' other pictures together to make her own. That she has an idea of what she wants, then she searches for a source image to give her a guideline to that pose/etc. Sounds like what I do! But ofcourse she has been doing it for much longer than me, and getting paid hefty sums for it. Ahh... I could turn one of my loves into a side hobby if I ever feel the need to... if I ever find my calling... I still don't know what to do in this life. ^_^

やっぱり、バカみたい - I knew it, I'm stupid

2005-02-01T19:13:00.000-10:00

I guess all I really want to do in life is sit at my computer, playing games, watching anime, downloading, listening to music, engrossing myself with eye candy. I have no skills, as far as I am concerned. The skill to make friends? Uhh, sure. But I really don't think I have enough skills to do much. I make a lousy secretary, I don't cook often nor very good when I do, I seem to be a fat lazy cat who orders David around. I'm a good for nothing!!

Now that my little depressing rant is over... I think I am going to draw something just so I don't feel like wasted talent. (Ppl used to say I could draw well, but to be honest I pretty much copy another picture and slightly tweak it) Owell. Its just one of those moments where I feel worthless, don't mind me.... these happen sometimes...

What are cats?

2005-01-30T21:12:00.000-10:00

Cats do what they want, when they want.
They rarely listen to you.
They're totally unpredictable.
They whine when they are not happy.
When you want to play they want to be left alone.
When you want to be alone, they want to play.
They expect you to cater to their every whim.
They're moody.
They leave their hair everywhere.
They drive you nuts.

Conclusion: Cats are little, tiny women in cheap fur coats.

Sound about right to you, David? :P

Anonymously confused

2005-01-28T20:49:00.000-10:00

Some people have mentioned to me that they would be posting comments but they assumed they had to register with Blogger.com in order to do so, something they don't feel like doing. Ahh, but have no fear dear friends! I have always had the 'anonymous' feature turned on. This means any random websurfer who landed on my half of the planet Pluto may leave me their two cents. What's this you say? When you click on the comment link, it takes you to the page to sign up for an account? Oh well that's easy! Look a little closer on that page. In a not-so-obvious link underneath all that 'signup' jumbo it says 'Or post anonymously"... Problem fixed! That's the spot you want. :) Be kind to me... I bruise easily...

Leap Day Babies

2005-01-27T19:26:00.000-10:00

So, anyone out there born on a leap year? Leap Years are also Presidential Election years. Have you ever pondered what it would be like to be born on February 29th? It seems like such an odd thing. When do you celebrate your birthday if it is not a leap year? Does that mean you are actually younger? :P Do you invite friends over to celebrate? But most importantly... on your 21st birthday, the age of legalization and the gateway to booze in the United States, which day is the first day you are legally able to buy alcohol? The 28th of February, or the 1st of March? Must suck to be born on Leap Day!

What do you say when God sneezes?

2005-01-24T15:02:00.000-10:00

Apparently I am a ranting queen. :P Last time I told one of my friends to look at my blog to see my granny pics she said, "Oh, who'd you rant about now?" Hehe, I didn't realize I was that bad. :) I could go off on alot of topics I suppose. That's what happens when you are opinionated! Mhuahaha! Actually, I didn't really expect that my friends would actually read this, since not alot of ppl leave me comments and I don't have a hits counter and stuff.

I will soon get an opportunity to rant with fellow classmates. My English 215 course, Writing Intensive for Humanities, is going to have an active discussion board and participation is required. I will happily attempt to keep my cover from being blown - I may never know how many other people out there get pissed at the things I say. But I wish the proffessor had chosen the BBC instead of the New York Times as our main paper of focus. I just don't feel right reading American news anymore. I read netscape news for the funny things, Michael Moore's news when I feel like an activist, and the BBC for everything else. I feel it is important to get different aspects of the news in my own country. It is unfortunate that I cannot read another language, else I would be trying to read world news in an altogether different light. As parting, I shall leave you with a joke.

What do you call someone who speaks three languages? ........... Trilingual.
What do you call someone who speaks two languages? .............. Bilingual.
What do you call someone who only speaks one language? ........ American.

Don't mess with Fox! War starts with 'W'.

2005-01-20T20:54:00.000-10:00

I found this link on Michael Moore's website, about a woman who dared to speak her mind on the Fox News. It is pretty obvious when you watch it that they wanted that lady to get off the air VERY quickly.

In other news, I actually seriously disagree with one of the anti-Bush protests that was suppossed to be nationwide today. It was called "Don't Spend a Damn Dime". Honestly I didn't see how it was going to be a good protest. I think the intent was to hurt the economy and thus send a message to the Bush administration. People, face the facts. We have LOST. Bush is going to be the president for four more years. He can NEVER be the president again after that! This not spending money thing was totally beyond my comprehension. The federal government does not recieve taxes in the state of Hawaii on the things that I buy. No, the state recieves state taxes, four cents to the dollar to be exact. The only money that the federal government is getting out of me is from my paychecks. They take that out automatically and I have to pay up if the figures don't match during tax time, else I will be thrown in jail for tax evasion or fraud of some sort. How is Bush going to see any of the money that I spent today? Only if I happen to buy oil that his family still owns... And the boycott hurts the Mom and Pop stores. I don't care if you want to boycott chains like Walmart or something, they deserve to be boycotted in and out of themselves. But don't hurt the local stores just because you think it is going to get back at Bush!

Birthdays are overrated!

2005-01-18T19:37:00.000-10:00

I turned 23 yesterday. It's not so special to have a birthday anymore! I feel like such an old woman. Before I know it I am going to look like that picture. Gyah! Don't wanna be old!

I have a hard time concentrating on reading when people are talking. Right now my roommate has her future roommate over and they are talking and getting along, having a good time. I am sure the TV is going to get turned on later as well. I don't mind her having friends here, in fact its the first time she actually invited someone over. From what I see sofar they might just be a good match for roommates. For me the best match would be a nice and caring Japanese girl. =^_^=

Kayo has threatened me. :( She says that when I go to visit her in Japan she is not going to be my translator! She said, "I know you know Japanese, so I am not going to translate!" Wanh! She's mean. :P Or maybe she is right... hehe I guess I will know once I get to Japan. I think I am good at listening and understanding what was being said but I just can't formulate a sentence to reply with in a decent amount of time. And when I try to speak my particles get all mixed up! I wonder if it is basically the same for someone who is learning to speak English. Care to comment, Yasuto? :P

Melia the old Fart

2005-01-13T10:12:00.000-10:00

I was reading an article on the BBC about how they have created an image that they think would be what Elvis would look like if he were still alive today, at age 70. At the bottom of the article they talk about a website, Perception Labs, that lets you upload pictures to get an idea of what you will look like, and the link was provided on the right frame of the page. So I went there and had some fun playing around with pictures of me, David, and even my roommate. I thought I'd show ya'll what I'm going to look like as an old fart!

When in dire need

2005-01-11T09:42:00.000-10:00

Last week before I moved back to Hilo I was touched by the tsunami devastation and actually donated to a charity. I donated to Save the Children's Tsunami relief fund. It was my first time to donate, I was actually quite thankful that places like iTunes Music store had links to real, validated organizations. And that those organizations were willing to take my money online via my credit/debit card. That just makes donating all the more easier! I didn't have to pay for a stamp to mail it! :) It kinda made me feel good. When you think about it, if every person in the world could spare close to a dollar we'd have about 6billion in funds. And since not everyone can part with a dollar, and some of those people are in the disaster area, other people pick up the slack. Hence I donated $20, it was something easy for me to part with. I think that some actors/actresses and singers shouldn't be spending their money to tour the disaster area. Instead, send the money you would have paid for the plane ticket(s). On the other hand I was thinking that its seems to me like more countries and people in those countries are willing to help for a natural disaster, unlike the 9/11 attack on NY. Natural disasters are nobody's fault, and our hearts go out to all those countries which were in the line of fire. People can be very nice to others who are in dire need.

What am I in dire need of? Hmm. Maybe some direction in life! I still don't know what I am going to do with myself and it looks kinna funny to other people being that this is my 5th year of college and I am anticipating one more. I think my sister loves to tell people that she graduated, but sometimes you gotta remind her that she only got a CC and not an official degree. I wonder if they would even give her a ceremony? My parents both got AA degrees.. so is she the black sheep? Being under educated than the rest of us... My Dad and Mom are talking about taking a trip over the summer somewhere. I am thinking about visiting Japan, particularly Kayo's place in Nagoya. :) I don't know if David would come with me or not... But Kayo was saying she thinks that it is a fair trade that she puts me up when I go to Japan and I put her up when she decides to visit Hawaii next winter. I think she has a point! :)

So I have all this free time in the mornings on Tuesday and Thursday I kinna don't even know what to do with myself! I started reading one of the books for my Japanese History class and I discovered its not even in the syllabus readings until halfway through the semester. And of course the book that I am suppossed to be reading from isn't one that I managed to buy on my last foray at the bookstore... :P

How can I make my boyfriend social?

2005-01-08T17:45:00.000-10:00

David is the one who tells me he wants to be social or something, and then whenever an opportunity arises he doesn't take it. How can I fix this? He is the one who says he wants to be social afterall...

Today I celebrated one of my Korean friend's birthdays. I met a new student in the process and she's going to be cool I can tell already. She's from Maui and she is an anime fan, so I will have to get her involved in some anime allnighters or something. Hehe. :)

Don't know when the roommate is coming back, and not looking forward to it. I like being alone. I don't want to be mean, but hey... I suppose I could be just as bad of a roommate to all the people that I accuse of being bad ones. I suppose having a really nice friend as a roommate makes you forget all the little things they do that are annoying. Or you are blind to them because you already like your roommate as a friend to begin with...

Gaming dilemnas right before school

2005-01-06T18:47:00.000-10:00

So... I'm still into my World of Warcraft. I don't know how it is going to work out with playing this game, juggling schoolwork, and trying to be social at the same time. And to top it all off David wants me to abandon my charecter who is lvl 30 to go play a different server, a faction I don't like, merely because all of our old friends are on it. I don't want to play the Horde, they look ugly! The Alliance is pretty and I like being a night elf. But Horde and Alliance ppl cannot talk to each other. Sniffle. How much do I like my old friends? Hehehe!

My parents visited me today and took me out to lunch. My dad's job is now going to entail making the trip to Hilo every Thursday, so I will possibly see him once a week. I got my hair trimmed today and David and I finally got to go grocery shopping. Met up with a couple of friends and I hope to see some more of them soon. I want to go to Ross sometime because I have a gift card to use. Also I really want to get the cartilage on my left ear pierced... as my little birthday gift... I suppose to myself since David keeps saying he won't do it.

I have decided that David needed a new name. He is no longer David, he is now Kyo. Why, you ask? Well think about this. If you were to yell "David!" in a crowd of people you would probably have 10-15 heads turn. Its almost the equivalent of yelling "Mom!" or "Dad!" and getting the right one to look your way. The hardest part about my renaming him is that I have to remember that I renamed him. :P I often forget. ^_^

My poor Skitty-kitty

2005-01-05T07:36:00.000-10:00

My darling cat Skittles has been so fun to be with during this vacation. I really love my cats, I am most definately a cat lover and if I didn't have a man I'd have like 5 cats. My poor Skittles yesterday though... I was packing my things up to go to Hilo yesterday. He's figured it out now that when I start making trips back and forth to the car with armfulls... he especially figured out that whether or not I have the computer hooked up determines whether or not I am staying home. Well he saw the computer get packed up.. and that was it. Thus began his fit yesterday. He got his brother to help to 'try' to convince me to stay, making puppydog eyes and being so very cute.. then he tried to trip me and follow me from every room. He watched my every move and then started running back and forth in the house like a madman. He was very upset that I was leaving. This was the biggest fit he's ever thrown, I really felt so bad that I even cried. Yes, I cried. My cats are little people, I don't care what other people think. They talk to me, they let me know how they are feeling because they are very expressive. If you saw how they interact with me you would eventually agree. Cats are mainly vocal in the company of humans and in the wild they rarely meow, so its a form of communication they picked up because that's what all the people do - make funny noises with their mouths. You can almost hear a 'NO' in their meow at particular times such as when they are getting a bath. Don't you think if you grew up with a certain people you would learn their language? You might not be able to regurgitate it, but you could understand everything they are saying. I still cry about the deaths of my two most beloved cats, and I think Skittles has earned his right as the third. I'm getting teary eyed again... I love all my cats, but since they are just like people, there's always one that just touches you more than others. David says when he comes over to my house I play with my cats more than him! Hehe! Playing with cats is something I love to do, and they seem to love it too. ^_^ My little Skitty even loves to be held like a baby... he IS such a baby and I hope my mom lavished him with attention lastnight because he was so upset when I left. It's going to be so hard when I marry David and officially move out of the house... :(

Financial Aide is lame

2005-01-03T17:55:00.000-10:00

Well I guess school systems don't tell you much. When you ask the questions nobody wants to give you the answers, then you get a blaring message about the exact thing you asked when it is basically too late. I found out today that I will not be able to get financial aide next year because I have exceeded the number of credit hours they allow (160). Bah, nobody ever told me that! And what about tuition wavers? Can I still apply to those or does that count as financial aide and I am up a creek without a paddle? Yah they don't like to tell you much when they got a system to run. Damm the system! "Damm the man! Save the Empire!"

I'll be heading off to Hilo tommorrow, back to school to do that school thang. Gosh they better not be telling me that I am not elligible to graduate when I finally apply for that... grrr! They'll do anything for more money, I swear.

Another day bites the dust

2005-01-02T13:21:00.000-10:00

Here I am on this new year of 2005 and I don't notice much difference. No day is any different. Same 'ol stuff happening. The cold sore in my mouth is still there, my cats are still lazing about, there's nothing to watch on TV but my mother still has it on, life is quiet and nothing changes. I kind of wish I belonged to a time where the seasons were worshipped, when you felt you had to spend everyday simply trying to survive. It would bring a whole new meaning to life. I remember when I watched film Castaway Tom Hank's character said something similar about every day making the decision to keep breathing. And then going from that lifestyle to the simple laid back life we Americans are accustomed to is very hard. We are being born with that silver spoon.

Speaking of spoiled individuals... do you plan on making new year's resolutions? I really don't believe in them. Why should a resolution for a new year be any different than a resolution made on any other plain day? Most people don't even stick to those resolutions. Make ones whenever you need to, stick to them because you made them. I resolve to get good grades this semester... sounds like that resolution didn't change. :P

Things I wish I didn't do

2004-12-30T11:23:00.000-10:00

Well for one I wish I wasn't born, kinda always felt that way. And don't try to give me some mumbo jumbo about how I HAVE to live. Just face it, there are alot of us who don't belong on this planet. This place is overcrowded, there are too many stupid people, and the sheer numbers of people are ruining this planet.

Well there are lots of little things that I wish I didn't do. Those kinds of things are the ones that always make me feel depressed. I'm doing one of them right now.. I came over to David's house and I think I am being selfish. There is a guest over and I guess it is not fair that I want David with me and not entertain his family's guest. His mom already said something to make me feel guilty. But if she really wants to be fair about it all, she should feel guilty for being on the phone when the guest is sitting there. I don't know this person nor have a desire to know them. I don't know how David feels but he probably don't care. So now I am mean and things like that and I am wishing I didn't come here. Should I just pick up and leave? Maybe David's Mom has plans that I have interfered with. How am I suppossed to know? All I did was call David lastnight and asked if he wanted to be with me. I didn't want to stay at home with just my Gramma. But at this point she is looking like the better option. I'm rude, immature, selfish, mean... I'm beginning to sound like my description of my grandmother. Maybe I'd be better off being with her.

I better get my masters...

2004-12-29T16:45:00.000-10:00

My last grade has finally come in. *Drumroll* I got straight A's! Geez I must have this school thing down too well. I was totally expecting to get a B in my Japanese History class and a B in my Intermediate (2ndyr) Japanese language class. I was borderline A/B in those classes and my Japanese Anthro class. Did I mention I am like 3 classes away from a minor in Anthropology? :P I'll graduate with 2 B.A.'s and one minor.. and with my cumulative GPA at 3.53 at UHH... I'm cool. Add in my GPA from my one year at Bakersfield and I have an averaged 3.60 (I had a 3.82 at CSUB). Wow if only I didn't screw up my very first semester at UHH! Nonetheless I am definately applying for tuition waivers. And I've been talking to family and friends, saying that since I am doing so good I might as well go and get my masters! Who knows, maybe I will even go on to be a PHD. o_O "Paging Doctor Truax!" Hahaha not that kind of doctor in a million years! I hate needles and don't know if I could even stand blood. :P But no, being a proffessor in a college sounds like an appealing job to me. I would get to teach but I would be teaching people who are grown up and if they don't like things then TUFF. NO dealing with kids who wet their pants in class, no highschoolers with attitude. And I would never have to leave college. :P They do let faculty members take classes, so I could even continue to take classes even though I am a proff. That would be all too sweet... the problem is, what do I get my master or phd in? :P

Too mature for this body

2004-12-28T17:23:00.000-10:00

I'm getting really sick of people that just don't know when to grow up, or are still refusing to grow up. Diana probably knows what I mean only too well. In my own life I have a sister and boyfriend, to name a few, who won't grow up. It is rather ironic in my sister's case because even though I say she isn't growing up, she is still trying her hardest to and I suppose is somewhat succeeded in all the wrong directions. I am beginning to think that in David's case it is hopeless and I can't make the man grow up. I try to hint, I try to push in the right direction without pushing too hard because I understand that change comes from within, but no matter what I cannot spark his internal fire. So I think I may just have to give up. If not now, I can see if happening in the next few years. At times like this I think back to what Sensei Cadang said when I was in Highschool, that a woman's mind is more mature than a man's. That the difference in age needs to be at least five years if they want to be on the same maturity level. Diana, you got 10yrs difference between you and Alfred. Does it make a difference? :P I hate how I have always been told I'm too mature for my age.

Hypochondriac in training

2004-12-24T21:08:00.000-10:00

So I have an intense pain in my back right around the left shoulder blade. I think its because I played World of Warcraft for almost 5hrs straight or something like that. I sat in a very bad position. My mother and I gave our cats a bath. That was interesting. Skittles peed on us and Orion was hiding for quite some time before we found him. That marks the second time a cat has peed on me during bathtime! Sheli did it right when we were about finished. I know cats hate water but how else do they expect to get rid of the fleas? Even my dog hated getting a bath. But after the bath they all look super happy because they are clean and fluffy.

So I've noticed if I skip a meal I start to lack energy. My body starts to shut down! It's really weird to me, I've never had that kind of feeling before. I wonder if it has something to do with the iron deficiency I suspect that I have. Lack of circulation, pale face, cold hands, heartbeat can get rapid for no reason... I am the hypochondriac in training!

Nikki and I had a little fun together mainly making my mom laugh. Hope we'll have fun tommorrow. Gramma gave me two crappy calendars as early presents that she got for free in the mail. Doesn't suprise me, she was always like that. She thinks my parents spoil us too much. The calendars are in the trash.

Nothing else fun happening. I took me a little while to figure out why the cats were both sniffing my feet after their bath. It suddenly dawned on me that when Skittles peed during his bathtime my foot was in the line of fire. It has since been cleansed. Now all I am doing is waiting around for David's call and then figure out when to go to bed.

Today was about my car

2004-12-23T14:31:00.000-10:00

So we drove my car to the mechanic again. There is a leak in the hose for the power steering. Not good! My dad was saying the mechanic shouldn't charge us because he had to have taken the hose off and put it back on when he was putting in the new engine. I dunno, I'll leave that fight up to my dad. I also got it safety checked. I tried to do that yesterday but the woman who was gonna do it told me the tinting on the front window shouldn't be more than 4 inches so I had to do something about that. Then this morning her husband was the one who did it and he didn't really even look at the car.. SO I feel like I took off the tint for nothing! Owell. I hope its all legal now.

Yesterday I was looking into Gwen Stefani's new album so I could pass some sort of judgement on it. Welp, I think it sucks! I really didn't like the band's latest album and I had a feeling her solo effort was going to be rappy. (Put a C in front of that)

My sister just called me and told me about the sewing machine she and my dad picked out for my mom. My Dad's in Hilo and we hope my mother has no clue! Bigbig secret! It's the Xmas gift she isn't expecting! The past few days she has really been complaining to me about it. I think the machine she's got is older than Nikki, I can't think of a time when my mom didn't have that exact sewing machine... We conspired together because we were all kind of baffled as to what to get her. Lastnight my dad was drawing information out of her but in a way that would never let her guess... He was saying things like, "Why do you need a new one when you still have that one?" This original price tag on this new one was $800! Nikki said it was discontinued and the last one was the display marked down to $600 or so. She said my Dad told the salesperson to tell the manager that he was willing to buy it right now and pay cash, how much could they lower the price. Sounds like he got it for like $499, that's still a big difference! And its got lots of features and all kinds of embroidery things. It'll be fun to get to play with that! Sometimes I feel like I should be sewing because it was the family trade on my mom's side. Her dad was a tailor, and my Gramma's dad was also a tailor, his father the fur trader to the last Czar of Russia. So I feel like its some kind of family trade and I should be keeping it up! Owell, I can learn more later. I always felt it made no sense to take a sewing class when I have my own mother who could teach me the same things. 'Sides, they don't have sewing classes at my college. ^_^

昨日は色々な事をしました。

2004-12-22T09:48:00.000-10:00

(Various things happened yesterday) Its really funny how lots of things happened to me and I didn't even leave the comfort of my home. :) David called me on the phone a little after lunchtime and was asking me, "How upset would your parents be if you left right now for Oahu and didn't come back until the day after Xmas?" Gosh, that was a shocker! He said he was all ready to push the 'purchase' button for the airline tickets online. Well yes I would love to hop on a plane and be with him, but I told him it was too late. I know I had argued with him about it, but it truly is too late. He told me to talk to my parents and call him back. I talked to my mom and she seemed a little upset. So I told him. And then he calls me hypocritical and all. :P I had already figured out that it was too late to do anything this Xmas... I just don't want him to be mad at me! My dad said I should go if its a free plane ticket (which I don't think it is - David said something about paying him back), and then my dad mumbled that "You'd only be leaving us with Gramma..." That means he was trying to get pity. Well I already told David no.. I mean, if I could have come back on Xmas Eve or something it would have worked out just fine. In the future I wouldn't mind planning something. He says he doesn't understand why it's too late, and that I have no official plans and his would be more concrete. He also said something about a role reversal, since I was originally arguing about why can't we spend the holidays. Sigh. I am sure everyone is a hypocrite. David said he should have just bought the tickets and forced a guilt trip on me so that I would come. :P I don't even have clean clothes!

Now for the next bit of happenin's. :P I went online because I wanted to talk to people about what David had done, and whether I was wrong or not. One of the people I messaged just so happened to be Diana. Oh she was in a real huffy and pissy mood, told me to read her blog if I wanted to know what happened to her. (so go do that!) Whoah. Ouch. Diana was so insistent that it was all Jessica's doing. Well I happen to used to be best friends with Jessica, particularly at the time the Floyd thing was happening. I am pretty sure that JJ wouldn't hate someone ever, and never outright say to a person that she didn't like them. JJ has told me before that she doesn't really know Diana, all she knows was that Diana didn't want to hear the Floyd warnings. Most of all I can't imagine JJ saying "I don't want a Xmas card from HER!". On the other hand, I can totally see/hear/imagine Everett saying exactly those things. He was kinna like that in HS. JJ probably said the same things to him about Diana that she always said. Everett took it a step too far. Now the only way I could possibly see JJ getting upset is because Everett once had a thing with Diana. But JJ would know that Everett is hers and she doesn't have to fear other women, right? Well Everett was in the wrong to say what he did, or how he did it. It was awfully childish of him. (I should talk, right? We only see the faults in others, never ourselves!) I think he hasn't changed his attitude since HS if this is how he is acting. I can imagine how upset Diana must be. (We are both Capricorns so we kinna think similar) Diana was probably expecting a grown-up response, to handle the situation like the adults we are trying to be. In my personal experience Everett isn't the greatest joy to talk to, mainly because I feel like he doesn't care about what has or is happening to me. I feel the conversations with him are mainly about him, and if I try to mention what is happening to me he kinna stops talking. Maybe he feels like we aren't that close and therefore no comment, but it is upsetting because he used to be a friend! And I swore friends care about each other and what they do. I told JJ about this the last time I saw her, so she knows how I feel about Everett. Diana is so dead set on believing it's all about Jessica being a bitch. Hehe, I don't think so! Everett probably said things without thinking it would seriously hurt Diana. I don't even know if he realized yet how upset this whole thing has made her. All because of a stupid Xmas card. Shouldda just gave her your address man, you would have avoided a big mess.

And lastly, (definately not leastly) Alex called me lastnight. Well David did too, but I talk to David every night since he's been gone. I haven't talked to Alex on he phone in ages. He even remembered my house number! (Ok it's easy to remember cuz of my pneumonic device...) Funny to think that we used to be so close! Well I had a very nice conversation with him. It sounds like his life is starting to fall together nicely. :) He just needs another chick so he can get laid! ^_^ It must be exciting to do what he did, pick up and blindly move somewhere not knowing where your next meal is coming from, and find yourself falling into a good job and a nice area. I still wonder if we would have made a good couple. I couldn't let go of David at the time, I think Alex finally understands that now. Especially since he's had his share of girlfriends now. I am glad he's back into talking to me and put the past behind us. I did talk about a few nostalgic things, he couldn't believe he had done some of them. He said he must been such a prick... LOL!

Blah fights suck

2004-12-21T11:10:00.000-10:00

Yah David called me again lastnight and was acting as if we didn't have an argument the night before. Bah. That's kind-of annoying, ya know? Maybe he's trying to make me feel stupid or childish because I still have hurt feelings from the night before. -.-

Well I guess things are OK now. I really don't even know what happened. And it's been pretty boring here at home. I think I should set up the Playstation and try to play some Dance Dance Revolution so I don't gain weight and stuff like that. I need a good gym and someone who would go with me. :P Me and motivation issues... Ohyah my but hurts from all the sitting down at my computer all day. I'm too young to have circulation issues! :(

Am I always that wrong?

2004-12-20T09:42:00.000-10:00

I don't feel like arguing anymore. I always get that way. I don't want to hold a grudge. Is it so stupid, am I so wrong? He said why should he spend 365 days of the year with me, why can't he spend some time with his family. That hurts too. He says I want to be with him 24/7 and that it is annoying, he doesn't like being in such high demand. I shudder to think what it would be like if we were married. He must not be ready to commit like that. He still acts like a child in a lot of ways. He says I act like a child too. I've been listening to Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and that Kelly Clarkson song, "Since U Been Gone"... they are examples of my current mood. I'm stable, don't worry about me offin' myself just yet. It would be ironic if I died and then David felt such huge regret for every argument that we ever had, every little thing that I ever nagged about... then he'd change and the next girl would get to reap all the benefits.

I can see a future without him

2004-12-19T23:15:00.000-10:00

Tonite I detected the possibility of not being with David for the rest of my life. I didn't exactly want to think of it, but it is there. After arguing (and still not getting an answer I can understand) as to why we cannot spend the holidays together he has said that I am not his family. And no one else should see it that way. That we are not engaged, and thus no one should consider us as almost-engaged... so why should he spend 365 days with me? Why should he spend the holidays with me, the days which many people consider to be the most important days of the year? I know that I don't necessarily believe or agree with the entire thing of Christmas... but its a break from school, its a time when people are suppossed to be happy. I am not happy when I am away from him for so long. When I am away from him I start to think about the possibility of life without him, would I be happier? Would I be worse off? What chances am I throwing away by sticking with him? He hurt me alot by saying we aren't engaged and no one should think of us as such. I guess deep down I really am a woman... I yearn for that happy lifestyle, I want to be engaged and then happily married. No, he has not asked me to marry him while on one knee presenting me with a ring to symbolize the eternity of our love (since that is the purpose of a ring - it never has an end to it). And I don't want to ask him for it. That is one of those things a woman wants to be suprised about. He takes my love for granted, I swear. I took off his 'promise' ring tonite, a ring he gave me when we went off to Bakersfield. At that time I had never heard of a promise ring, but supposedly it's a 'promise' to get engaged. I assumed it was his way of branding me so other guys wouldn't bother with me. I think he kind of trampled on that promise with his words tonite. Kind of funny when I think about it... I've been getting some weird sort of itchy rash underneath the ring and it started happening right about when vacation began... so if you are one who believes in signs, there is one blaring at me. I am sick of having to explain to people WHY I am not spending Christmas or New Years with David. Why, after 5yrs, we are still not sharing the holidays together. I especially hate having to make up some sort of explanation because I honestly don't know the answer. During our argument he brought up my desire to live in Japan, that my desire to be there is more detrimental to our relationship than his spending the holidays with FAMILY other than me. Its very unfair of him in that regaurd. I want to live in Japan, if you know me, my obsession is obvious. I am either going to teach English in Japan, visit frequently, or find some way to get my masters/phd there. According to him we will no longer be a couple if I choose that route. Because he can't spend the 2yrs minimum it takes to get your masters away from me. Nobody said the entire time was going to be spent in Japan, and nobody said he couldn't or I couldn't meet up with him. And its not even set in stone, its just something I say that I want to do. And then he wants to crush my dreams. Well maybe if I was gone from him for that long he'd consider spending the holidays with ME. Thats if we are still a couple... I am not planning on wearing his promise ring again for quite a while. There was dead silence on the phone for at least 10 minutes before I hung up, so I am not even sure if he hung up on me or was waiting for me to say something else. (How can I say something else when I was the last one to speak? Normally a conversation requires two people taking turns speaking...) His habits get very annoying when we argue.. his refusing to speak, his refusing to remember something he said to me... his sitting there, doing nothing... GRR! I am so sick of this life thing. Can't I start it over? If there is a god, he/she/it has been so damm cruel to me its just not fair. Why can't I see the future or something? Obviously David isn't the only guy who finds me mate-worthy... can someone tell me if there is something better down the line for me, or is David where my train has stopped? 教えて...

No thank you.. b****!

2004-12-18T13:19:00.000-10:00

I am back at my home in Kona now. School is pau and I don't know what my grades were yet, I probably won't know until next week. Hope I get a few suprise A's. It took me two days to clean my room because I was suffering from major allergies while trying to clean (dust and mold are my triggers, then cat-hair adds to the misery). I have been ignoring my gramma and she confronted me. What was I suppose to say? I'm avoiding you because you are mean, selfish, self-centered, and think you deserve to be spoiled? Puh. I just told her I am cleaning and have allergies. And if she wants to ask why I am not eating dinner with her then I will say because I don't feel hungry when she does.
Well I hope I won't get fat over the break... I feel like I might be gaining weight and my sister didn't help lastnight by telling me I looked bloated. -.- Welp, we shall see. I hope I get off my lazy ass at least a few times!

I'm not here, leave a message after the...

2004-12-12T13:16:00.000-10:00

So I won't be posting this week really. It's finals week and all now.. I am focusing on maintaining my B's. :) Sometimes I pull off a suprising A or two, I hope I will do that again this time around. I usually aim for B's anyways. The final I am the most worried about is my history final, since I don't really feel like I learned anything about the early History of Japan. Anthropology will be just fine once I finish answering the study guide, and Japanese will probably be alright. I manage to get B's in my Japanese language class without studying, A's if I study. So I will try to study! Welp, off to more studying/eating/playing WoW. Have a great week!

花より男子おわた！(Watched more anime)

2004-12-07T22:28:00.000-10:00

Hehe I never wanna watch an anime like that again! Waaaaay too much intensity for me, was over dramaticized. But I am glad to have finished it because it would have bugged me to no end. I bet David wanted me to play WoW tonite instead, but it's about time I start devoting myself to studying for my finals. I got at least two weeks after finals! Altho I don't remember when my free month runs out.. :( Sorry for making this post short but I have a weird roommate who is glaring at me even tho her back is facing me... (she could turn off the lights and go to sleep by herself but noooooooooooooooooo, she's weird... its HER fault she has nothing to do right now and thinks sleeping is the best alternative!!!) Byebye!

もちを作りました！I made mochi!

2004-12-05T21:33:00.000-10:00

When I was younger and I tried to make mochi it was a big mess cuz I didn't exactly have all the ingredients. This time I definately made the right thing! I even put the sweet red beans inside. :) This is the picture of my masterpiece!

So not a whole lot of eventful things happened this weekend. I watch more anime, I played World of Warcraft. I would be playing World of Warcraft right now if they didn't decide to kick everyone off the server when it was working just fine for me and David. -.- I want to get a white kitty! David said I gotta walk pretty far to go find a white kitty. But I want it for my pet! :( Heh, ofcourse now that I have decided to actually play they decided now to shut down my server. This happened the first time I tried to play.... T.T

School is almost pau! Yay! Then I can play WoW for two weeks straight! (Or Anime...)

The strange life of sisters

2004-12-01T18:14:00.000-10:00

So today I got a call out of the blue from my sister Nikki. Well technically it started yesterday, when I got a call out of the blue telling me not to cook dinner because she was stopping by to give me some of her turkey dinner that she supposedly slaved all day to make. I guess today's call wasn't out of the blue then... more out of the purple! She basically just wanted to talk and stuff. She asked me if her food was good. I can't compliment her on her food, because it tastes normal to me. Its not cardboard, and its definately not gourmet cooking. After talking to her and walking off to class I started thinking about things. How just the other night I was saying that I missed the 'good ol days' and wish my sister would return to normal. Well I think our psychic connection might be stirring up again... (yes we have a psychic connection.. it happens to people who are close -.-) She's gone back to her ways of seeking recognition from me. I can hear it in her voice how she desperately wants me to praise her for her cooking. I suppose I am a mean big sister because I rarely compliment or praise her. But on the other hand, if I just gave compliments on the fly she wouldn't strive so hard to be good at something. Ahh the complexities of life! It did make me feel though that she still does care about what her older sister thinks, that she still wants the approval of her older sister. I don't think it would work in the case of her and Chris though. I don't think I could possibly seperate them after all they have done together. No, the closest thing I can get to is to encourage her to do something better with her life other than be a housewife. I guess Mom's approach of completely backing off isn't quite the right way. :P I have to do it slowly, but I want to steer her in the right direction before she ruins her life. I don't want my sister to ruin her life, I care about her enough to not wish major harm on her.

Call me "Weird"

2004-11-30T21:07:00.000-10:00

Yah me = weird. I like staring at GOOD pictures of myself. You know, the ones where you say 'Wow I look GOOD.' I don't have too many of those kinds of pictures, but when I do I will find myself staring at them. Alot of the ones in Bakersfield turned out to be good pictures. I still think that my hair was very agreeable when I was there, aside from the dryness. I really don't like humidity!!! Curly hair and humidity don't mix well. I don't even know how to blowdry my hair.

Yasuto got an A on one of his papers that I helped him correct. Funny how I can correct a paper from thousands of miles away. :) I feel bad sometimes when I correct someone's paper because I want it to still be their own words. Reminds me of when I would type papers for people back in middle school.. just 'cause I wanted to have friends! :P And people tell me I can write.. funny how some teachers here don't believe that! Then again, I know that when I don't like a paper it is VERY easy to tell when you read it. Ahh my 8th grade teacher would be sad to hear that I didn't major in English. She liked to tell me that I had a talent. :P Ohh so many people said I have a talent, but I don't think so. I can't even write a short story! I can't write my college papers...

Women... I can't live with 'em!

2004-11-29T20:34:00.000-10:00

Gyah I have been wanting to post for like an hour! I wanted to post before I started on those papers that I desperately gotta do. I missed having to write papers when I was in Bakersfield... this is what REAL college is about! Bakersfield was all fun and games.

Lately I have been seeing too many woman who are consumed by a man. They will change their entire life around for a man, or they are stuck with a complete jerk. In my sister's case I think she has changed way too much. As David said, her boyfriend is a lapdog. And I swear she is trying really hard to beat me at something. Well at the rate she is going she is not going to be happy. I see myself on a successful path, a life I can possibly enjoy. I don't think she would enjoy her life for very long, because she is much smarter than those people. Chris may be a nice guy but lets face it - he doesn't come from an intelligent family. And Nikki is intelligent. Ofcourse she should be, she is my younger sister, my father's daughter. We are no dummies. Nikki used to want to beat me at things, she competed sooo much. I think she is still competing. I miss the old Nikki, but I can't do much anymore about that. I miss how we used to make up when we were fighting... I would lock my door, and if she unlocked it then I would hold it shut with my strength... eventually she'd give up and go write me a note and slip it under the door.. :) It usually said something like, "Wanna play Barbies with me?" and a box to check Yes/No, just like those notes we passed around in grade school. And then there were the days when she would beg and plead with me to let her spend the night in my room. Sometimes we'd stay up late to watch Saturday Night Live. I don't know when exactly I lost my sister, but I think it started when she hit puberty. Which was pretty much when she started Highschool. It was my senior year and her freshman year. We even had a class together in Highschool. I tried not to act too much like sisters in that class, I didn't want to get into domestic disputes during class. And then I left for college... I suppose I didn't talk to her enough back then. She didn't even tell me when she started dating Chris. I found out from my parents. I know I didn't call home much back then, didn't want to be bothered. At the time I believe my mother told me I should just back off from my sister, she was going through a stage where she didn't want to listen to anyone. But maybe I should have tried. I suppose now I will feel the same guilt and regret about my sister that I feel for the cats and the dog... gyah!!! I don't think she will break up with Chris, even tho I think they don't belong together. If a day ever comes where my sister turns around, I will gladly welcome that day. I guess it might be in another lifetime.

While you were at work

2004-11-26T10:49:00.000-10:00

Heh today is of course a non-instructional day so there is practically no one on campus. It's so.. lonely right now... My boss is saying maybe next year he will close the office for good on this day (day after Thanksgiving). I spent most of lastnight watching Kou Kou Kyoushi, a JDorama. Its not especially good, its just a way to pass the time when I am all alone. I suppose I could find other productive means of spending my time.. even playing World of Warcraft! :P I am hypocritical. I feel like I should be doing my papers and that playing a game will not make me in the mood to write... but watching stuff sure doesn't change anything!!! Me and my Japanese excuses... I suppose on the bright side I am often thinking in Japanese... I will think out sentences or responses to say to people and then I remember that they won't understand a single thing if I were to voice it.

So I really want to go to Japan soon. I want to be in a situation where I am forced to speak the language on a daily basis. My options are summer school, or just visiting. I was thinking about summerschool on Oahu just to graduate earlier, but I think I would spend the same amount of money on one semester of tuition for 12 credits versus tuition on two summer classes for 8 credits. Kindof a ripoff! So I got an idea in my head that I could go visit Japan on my own, for a summer trip. If someone like Kayo would let me stay at their place then I don't have to worry about finding a hotel or something. And then I will have someone around me who speaks English so I won't feel totally lost - just in case. I may have the problem of speaking to her in English too much though.. hmm.. I would hope that I would try my hardest and darndest!!! That's if it were to happen. Who knows. Kayo liked the idea of me visiting her for the summer, but it will cost me a little over $1000USD just for a roundtrip plane ticket. Sigh. Guess I need a higher paying job!

LOL

2004-11-24T15:38:00.000-10:00

Wow I went back through my history and noticed some anonymous person(s) made a comment when I was urging America to vote, prefferably against Bush. The person called me an ingrateful little brat (Insert spelling joke), etcetc. Wanted proof, etcetc. I did mention a sentence of 'proof' in my blog, but they glossed over it. It struck me as funny, that some random anonymous person who I don't know, or if I do know they left no indication, took the time out of their day to rant at me. To do such a thing requires browsing through the tons of blogs... someone with lots of time on their hands. Blogs are a person's personal message, their personal diary that they are sharing. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. If this is a person I personally know, then they can fully have a discussion with me any 'old time and I would gladly tell them what I know, what I believe. Nobody I know would talk to me like that.. "What have you given to your country?" If you know me, you know I don't care. :) I was born here without my consent! But since this was purely anonymous, purely someone I don't know or care about, I want to ask them this: WHY? Why bother commenting at all? Did it really make them feel special? I'm not mad in the slightest, but it made me laugh because they were being petty and childish. :P

Another stupid American tradition

2004-11-24T15:23:00.000-10:00

Every year I participate in Thanksgiving. And every year my father and I make jokes about how we are thankful to have taken everything from the Native Americans. (My father is 1/4 Native American - Delaware) I never quite understood the whole tradition. Well yes I know the story, I understand we should be thankful, but I really think its become some sort of commercial holiday. If Benjamin Franklin had his way, the turkey would have been the national bird. Think of all the poor turkeys who must suffer because we created a holiday to mark the beginning of the world's doom. Ahh this world is doomed!! At least my parents arent devout Christians so I don't have to worry about being two-faced in my own house.

Lastnight David wanted to walk to Walmart to buy World of Warcraft. (My car is still being fixed) We ended up having to go to the mall because Walmart didn't have any in stock. I see this game as a new money sink-hole. Yah I kinna wanna play, but how much will I play? I know that I am the type who will get bored/tired of something. Especially when someone is always ahead of me!!!

Have a good weekend. I shall be stressing over papers in the next week to come. Oh how I wish I didn't have to write papers! Or take writing intensive classes next semester...

This guy is yummy!

2004-11-21T21:58:00.000-10:00

Sorimachi Takashi
反町隆史
Born: 19 December 1973

(31)
Star Sign: Sagittarius
Height: 181cm (about 5' 9")
Weight: 63kg (about 138lbs)
Status: I WANT!
Goodbye David Duchovany. Hello Takashi! Besides, David Duchovany is about 44 now anyways. That's TWICE my age!!! (22) This other guy is only 9 years older than me. :) Plus he's got a TAN. Hear that? A TAN and nice LONG HAIR!!! I am obssessed with Japan anyways, so why not attach myself to a hot star? ^_^ Plus he's a good singer. Yah, that's right. HE SINGS. And he's sexy, and he's got a tan, and he's an actor, and he's sexy, and he has nice hair, and he's Japanese, and he's sexy, and he's got a sexy voice. So bow down to the handsomeness.

Am I that hard to live with?

2004-11-20T22:38:00.000-10:00

Now really, am I? I bet even some of my worst roommates would say that I have had some agreeable parts about my demeanor. I am not mean in the slightest!!! Well, everyone is kinna mean, but I don't intentionally hurt someone's feelings unless they pissed me off and they truly deserved it. So yah, I think even my worst roommates would say I was a nice roommate or something. Minnhat for example, my Vietnamese roommate, she had no clue that I didn't like her and was totally dumbfounded (ok she's was always dumb) when I moved out and didn't tell her. Annette probably had no idea that I didn't like her either. Is it me? Am I the one who finds the problems? I know I don't speak up about my problems with other people, but I swore I was agreeable. Why do I always get stuck with people I can't live with???

本当に金曜日ですか？Is it truly Friday?

2004-11-19T10:19:00.000-10:00

It sure doesn't feel like a Friday. I don't have any plans for this weekend so I guess that I haven't been looking forward to anything. Ofcourse I have nothing to look forward to - who would look forward to their papers? :P I think as a person who enjoys studying Humanities subjects I am more likely to have papers no matter what my classes are. I suppose that's OK since I am a decent writer. I wish I didn't have to follow all that specific junk though. I really hate that proof reading stuff, don't care at all for MLA, APA, anything technical about writing. I don't think I could handle the life of an author either. I used to want to write, I know nowadays just about anyone can write, but I honestly don't know what it takes to sit there and write a novel. I know how to write ramblings, which is pretty much all I ever do. I would need lessons from an author! :P I can write the beginning and the ending of a book, but never the middle - the most important part!

Yesterday I got irritated by the compliments I was receiving. You see, I put my hair up differently. I did two French braids. I suppose some people considered it a feat because I have short hair... but I honestly see no big deal because braids are braids and they can be done on ANY hair type. Well, I used to wear my hair like that in HS, back when my hair was long. I really hated my hair back then. It was one of those features that I always pointed out in the mirror. I hated my hair so much I never did anything to it, I wore it either in braids or in a bun. I think I might have started wearing it down more back when David was flirting with me, because he had said he liked my hair a certain way. Since HS I have cut my hair short in an effort to like myself more. I try to wear it down on a daily basis. I used to get compliments on how nice it was short. Well it aggravates me to hear that people like it the other way, the way I had come to hate. I suppose the reason people said they liked it better was because it was different than my normal hairstyle. But I have always preferred hair down as prettier. Even when the stars do some sort of pulled back do, I prefer to see some cute little tendrils sticking out or something. I am hair critical! :P Honestly, my hair is probably the one feature of myself that I fuss about the most. I really liked how my hair behaved in Bakersfield. I don't like how it behaves in Hawaii. I blame the humidity!!!

Grow up already!

2004-11-17T14:33:00.000-10:00

Lastnight I was thinking about how people grow up. When you live in a family and have siblings, eventually you leave that situation and find yourself in another. That brother or sister that you used to know very intimately in your childhood eventually becomes a stranger to you. You find yourself a mate, your sibling finds a mate, and you live with your mate and on occasion meet up with your sibling. Your mate will come to know you more intimately that your sibling did. Depending on what type of relationship you have with your family after you've been married, etc... you may never see or hear from your sibling ever again. You may never be that intimate with them ever again, you lost that bond that you had when you were young. Isn't that depressing? My sister has been telling me for the past 4-5yrs that I don't know her anymore. And I suppose I don't. She doesn't exactly let me know her, and the person she's become is not someone I would exactly like to hang out with. She defines herself by her boyfriend. Do I define myself by my boyfriend? I think David and I have alot in common and we are each other's best friend... but I can be a seperate entity and have a seperate existance from him. I don't think that Nikki can have a seperate existance from her boyfriend. She seems to want to be attached to the hip. For this upcoming Thanksgiving she doesn't want to come home on Thursday because Chris has to stay in Hilo. She says he's going to be all alone in their apartment and she doesn't want him to feel lonely. Well for one she choose him over her family (:P), but the main point I have is that if she can't live seperately from him then she is doomed. Honestly. And I don't think that Chris would seriously have a breakdown from being apart from Nikki for one day - she's the one who sounds like it is an issue. If it were me I wouldn't be too hesitant to leave David because I know that I am going to see him after a short while. It's not like I am being seperated from him indefinately. I know that David can function without me, I think he actually enjoys being a loner sometimes. Yah, sure, I do too, just like everyone else. But in a classroom setting, when I am on the other side of the class as David, I notice that he isn't very talkative. Whereas I am quite talkative and the people around me become super friendly. :) [If you knew me in HS I was much more like David, so I know it sounds odd to hear about me as a super talkative and friendly person] Hmm. Well because of Nikki's insistance to be Chris's right arm, my family is going to come here to Hilo from Kona for Thanksgiving. Not a big deal.. but I think Nikki is being too much of a baby. She has to learn to live without Chris! Just because they were HS sweethearts doesn't mean they are very likely to last. Actually David and I aren't HS sweethearts. We did meet in HS, we did express emotional interests in each other, but nothing super serious happened between us until after the both of us had graduated from HS and began new lives. Nikki tells me that she wants to be married and having kids by the time she is 21.... (sounds like Britney Spears...) She thinks that her goal is to be married and have kids. What a sad kid.... :( I can no longer make any difference in her life. I don't know who she is anymore, she has enacted her own self-fulfilling prophecy. I wish her luck...

おひさしぶり　Long time no see

2004-11-14T20:07:00.000-10:00

Yeps its been a little while. Things happen. Such as computer games... hehe. :) And Doramas. Plus I went home over the weekend. Played with the cat and gave my sister her birthday present. Really enjoyed being away from my roommate, and the quiet time at my dorm apartment while she was on Oahu. What was the best part of that was having some quiet time with David. When I could hug him and not have to be self conscious about someone walking and saying stupid things like "Oh are you having FUN?" (her favorite words). I was sad when I came home and found out she had already gotten back. I really enjoy my private time.

Played with my kitties. Missed the darn things. :) Didn't do anything productive... hmm burned one CD for Kayo when I am suppossed to make 3... I just feel bad about all that extra space on the CD. :( I still gotta send them to her along with the other little gifts I bought.. :P Owells. I miss Bakersfield and stuff, but I dunno how it really would have been to be there another year. Especially knowing that Kayo, Yasuto, and Wooji moved off campus. They were some good friends to have around. But I know how things change so quickly after one year, or semester even. Hmm.. Most of all, I miss the SQUIRRELS!!!

色々... Various things

2004-11-09T20:38:00.000-10:00

Yes having the internet back has patched the hole in my heart. Ofcourse it doesn't help when I should be memorizing kanjis. Today I ordered a kanji dictionary on Amazon.com and I hope that when I am no longer in school I will take the effort to continue learning Japanese on my own. I realized that I was doing that in Bakersfield. Sadly I noticed that some concepts in my Japanese language class are hard for me to grasp, but other things are so very easy. The new sentence structures that I am learning are kind of hard at the moment. I suppose its because I don't exactly have the mind for it - I didn't grow up in Japan afterall. But alas, all shall soon be known to me. I kind of find kanjis to be quite interesting now... and all I need next is to improve my repetoire of words. :) Too bad I am not close to many Japanese people right now. I need Kayo!!! I could talk to her in Japanese!!! And Yasuto could teach me kanjis! ^_^

I have stumbled on a new Japanese entertainment form... J-Dorama (J for Japanese, dorama is drama said with a Japanese accent). Unlike American drama junk, they were never intended to run until the show looses popularity. A jdorama usually has around 12 episodes, the story WILL have some sort of closure. And sofar the two that I have watched were 'unusual situations'. Obviously stuff that doesn't quite happen in real life.. ;) But they were interesting plots that were worth it. Japanese have that mushy stuff too, so ofcourse I can cry... but... aww dammit just face it, Americans suck and Japan plain RULEZ.

That reminds me... I gotta submit a pic to this website: SorryEverybody.com It's the 49% of Americans who voted against Bush... and they are apologizing to the rest of the world!

My beloved internet

2004-11-08T15:40:00.000-10:00

Oh my internet! How I miss thee so! You have no IDEA... I spent the entire weekend without the internet, and as far as I am concerned there is still no internet access in my dorm apartment. I know how to spend some time away from it, I know its not good to be so reliant on it, BUT NOW WAS NOT THE TIME!!! I wanted internet sources for my paper!!! I needed something to ease my peace of mind!! I needed anime to download!! Its really unfair! :( I never realized how much I rely on Dictionary.com when I am doing my papers. It was really tough to do this paper!! :P I think David is dying more than me. The poor boy finally had a weekend that was homework free, so he bought a computer game to play online. What makes it even worse is that currently that particular computer game is ONLY doing Beta testing on the first weekend of every month. So now he has to wait for a whole month before he can play that game!!! I don't know which of our situations is worse. :P And to complicate things further my car issues and sibling make my wanting to go back home this weekend a little bit of an issue. I really hate to rely on my sister, she lets it get to her head that she might be important. Not good for an already too big ego. Sadly it's her birthday coming up and I already bought her a $50 gift certificate to Macy's. (You can't really buy anything cool at Macy's without at least $50 - and I am trying to be the nice sister here)

Gyah and I got back one of my papers today, for my Anthropology class. I mentioned that teacher scares me - I am starting to get the idea that he's flirting with me. The last time he talked to me outside of class was another very weird conversation. He told me that my Halloween costume was "cute". If this guy hadn't said some strange things to me before I would think nothing of it. He's either flirting with me or just super weird. And I swore to god someone had told me that he ONLY liked Asians. Well today he handed back the papers... and he hands them back individually. He walked into class and for some ODD reason (sarcasm) my paper was in his hand. Must have been on the top of the pile, right? Well........... I kinna handed in my paper with the whole shuffle of students, so there was no reason for my paper to be on the top, unless someone was thinking of me. Man, that's gross! :P Would I ever consider dating a teacher? Hmm maybe if it had some sort of benefits... not gradewise... like, if he had lots of money or something... Ohwell. I might be reading too much into this. Its just that every now and then I get these bizarre hunches about certain people and I often find myself to be correct. Please don't let this be one of those issues... altho if I am lucky I might never take another class from him again! Not that he's a bad teacher... just.. uhh.. It's weird for me to think that I am considered attractive. Growing up here in Hawaii I had the idea that skinny Asians were the most attractive women. I never thought that according to White Americans I might be attractive. Again I emphasize that I don't think I am - this is me and my self esteem issues. But back when I was in California I did feel more attractive... and I guess that's because I tend to find alot of white people as ugly. :P So if I move back to the mainland I might feel like I am a hottie all over again. ^_^ But back to the issue... if that is truly the case, that I am an attractive white-type person, then I suppose being here in a sea of Polynesians and Asians would possibly make some old white guy from the mainland horny enough to hit on his student... maybe he got tired of Asians... or turned down so many times he thought he'd go back to Europeans. :P

Ahh poor David! If I didn't have him I might be a naughty little girl. I am so not worthy of him. He sits there and thinks only of me, and here I sit and think what it would be like if I didn't have him. Ahh he puts up with so much!

Time for some IRONIC news

2004-11-05T15:31:00.000-10:00

It's being reported as the Biggest Voter turnout among the 'Under 30' category: exit polls showed us youngsters favored Kerry-55, rather than Bush-44. As Michael Moore put it, "proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them."

The number of Americans visiting the Canadian citizenship website has skyrocketed. Let's hope our neighbors to the North don't start putting regulations on incoming Americans.

Voter fraud is already being reported in Ohio, Bush recieved more votes than there were people in Franklin County. Now what could this possibly mean?

Just remember, we are "One Nation, Under Canada, Above Mexico."

We're still here

2004-11-05T10:25:00.000-10:00

Well, we are still here. The world hasn't blown up - yet. I can't say that I feel renewed, not in the slightest. I basically feel close to my normal boring self. Back to the boring life of a college student. Back to papers and other stress factors.

Speaking of stress factors, my car has decided to present itself as an issue. It is going to need some fixing. I think I have decided that if for some reason I have to junk this car and get another one there is no way I am going to be choosing an SUV. Its just not economical! It wastes gas like crazy, and gas prices are ofcourse at an all time high. Gas will never be cheaper and I know this. Besides, I always say I should be doing my part to help the environment but I sure don't do much! American attitude I suppose. One could say I am truly American in my upbringing, but the ideas in my mind flow more with Asian attitudes. Except I don't have the encouragement to enact those Asian ideas, and I tend to act more the American that I despise.

And to end this... someday I never want a roommate again! Other than my own family of course. I can't believe I always get the luck of the draw with roommate choices. :P Thats why I believe that if there was a God, he/she is a sick and cruel person!

See you in Iraq

2004-11-03T14:54:00.000-10:00

Now that we know half of the country is stupid, I'd like to request that all those idiots go enlist right this moment. We are going to be stuck in Iraq for a long time. There will be more wars if anymore oil pops up. So to stop the issue of a draft, whynot just enlist? Then we can be rid of your unintelligence. Heck you might even come back as a smarter person.

If anything I am baffled at the results from the exit polls - that people made their presidential decision on the basis of religion. I did not realize that this country was ruled by so many Christians. I have a few things I could say about religion in itself, and I will choose not to because I would piss off too many people. Just let this one point be known: those of us in this country who don't believe it is "one nation under god" sure put up with alot of crap from you guys who do. So much for seperation of church and state.

Loud Noises

2004-11-03T10:07:00.000-10:00

Today as I wallow in pity I don't think I can handle any loud noises. My ears are hurting again and its causing me a very big headache. This may mean I might snap at my roommate - one of the loudest people I see everyday. I don't know what else to say or do today. I feel a deep pain in my heart, I didn't realize this country was sickeningly Christian. I don't know what else I could possibly do, but here I am and something has to happen from here on out. Just don't scream at me, these sensitive ears of mine might have it out for you.