I can see a future without him

Tonite I detected the possibility of not being with David for the rest of my life. I didn't exactly want to think of it, but it is there. After arguing (and still not getting an answer I can understand) as to why we cannot spend the holidays together he has said that I am not his family. And no one else should see it that way. That we are not engaged, and thus no one should consider us as almost-engaged... so why should he spend 365 days with me? Why should he spend the holidays with me, the days which many people consider to be the most important days of the year? I know that I don't necessarily believe or agree with the entire thing of Christmas... but its a break from school, its a time when people are suppossed to be happy. I am not happy when I am away from him for so long. When I am away from him I start to think about the possibility of life without him, would I be happier? Would I be worse off? What chances am I throwing away by sticking with him? He hurt me alot by saying we aren't engaged and no one should think of us as such. I guess deep down I really am a woman... I yearn for that happy lifestyle, I want to be engaged and then happily married. No, he has not asked me to marry him while on one knee presenting me with a ring to symbolize the eternity of our love (since that is the purpose of a ring - it never has an end to it). And I don't want to ask him for it. That is one of those things a woman wants to be suprised about. He takes my love for granted, I swear. I took off his 'promise' ring tonite, a ring he gave me when we went off to Bakersfield. At that time I had never heard of a promise ring, but supposedly it's a 'promise' to get engaged. I assumed it was his way of branding me so other guys wouldn't bother with me. I think he kind of trampled on that promise with his words tonite. Kind of funny when I think about it... I've been getting some weird sort of itchy rash underneath the ring and it started happening right about when vacation began... so if you are one who believes in signs, there is one blaring at me. I am sick of having to explain to people WHY I am not spending Christmas or New Years with David. Why, after 5yrs, we are still not sharing the holidays together. I especially hate having to make up some sort of explanation because I honestly don't know the answer. During our argument he brought up my desire to live in Japan, that my desire to be there is more detrimental to our relationship than his spending the holidays with FAMILY other than me. Its very unfair of him in that regaurd. I want to live in Japan, if you know me, my obsession is obvious. I am either going to teach English in Japan, visit frequently, or find some way to get my masters/phd there. According to him we will no longer be a couple if I choose that route. Because he can't spend the 2yrs minimum it takes to get your masters away from me. Nobody said the entire time was going to be spent in Japan, and nobody said he couldn't or I couldn't meet up with him. And its not even set in stone, its just something I say that I want to do. And then he wants to crush my dreams. Well maybe if I was gone from him for that long he'd consider spending the holidays with ME. Thats if we are still a couple... I am not planning on wearing his promise ring again for quite a while. There was dead silence on the phone for at least 10 minutes before I hung up, so I am not even sure if he hung up on me or was waiting for me to say something else. (How can I say something else when I was the last one to speak? Normally a conversation requires two people taking turns speaking...) His habits get very annoying when we argue.. his refusing to speak, his refusing to remember something he said to me... his sitting there, doing nothing... GRR! I am so sick of this life thing. Can't I start it over? If there is a god, he/she/it has been so damm cruel to me its just not fair. Why can't I see the future or something? Obviously David isn't the only guy who finds me mate-worthy... can someone tell me if there is something better down the line for me, or is David where my train has stopped? 教えて...